The Dizzying Downfall of Disney

I'll start this post by saying that I am no Hollywood movie guru, and my thoughts and opinions expressed in this post are based entirely on my personal experience as a consumer of entertainment media.

That said, what in the world has become of Disney? When I was a child growing up, Disney represented everything high-quality, super-memorable, classic storytale magic. I was raised on Disney films in the theatre, from the video rental store, and even in the form of "tape-books" that gave a summarized version of the film along with an audio accompaniment to help young readers get some practice. I think what I always enjoyed most about Disney was the songs. Every movie featured great songs that will forever be associated with the films and with Disney in general. I was probably about 5 years old when I took my first trip to Disneyland, and it will forever hold a special place in my heart. The moniker "the Magic Kingdom" still rings true for me.

But somewhere along the line, in the last 10 years or so, Disney strayed from their magic formula. No longer do I wait with anticipation for the next Disney classic to be released in the theater. No longer does a Disney trailer invoke the same excitement as a Star Wars trailer. No longer do I find myself singing along to songs from the latest Disney release. Classic Disney animations featuring Mickey, Donald, Goofy and the rest have become hard to come by on television. What has become of the name that was once the highest standard in family entertainment?

Some of my earliest Disney memories including going to see the Jungle Book (re-released of course) with my dad and older brother, being super excited to find out that our hotel room carried the Disney channel, and listening to Disney tapes on a family vacation to northern California.

This era was followed by what I'll call the Disney Renaissance which spanned, in my mind, the years from 1989 (the release of the Little Mermaid) to 1994 (the release of the Lion King). Also included in this span were Beauty and the Beast (1991) and Aladdin (1992). At this point, Disney could do no wrong. They had just released 4 back-to-back theatrical triumph, each one critically acclaimed and full of the songs and storylines that Disney was famous for.

And yet, somehow they did do wrong. The next big animated feature released was Pocahontas (1995). A film based on a story from American history that featured several songs, but none that resonated with viewer like the others. Its no wonder we've yet to see a Broadway version of this Disney film. I remember that I took my little brother and sister to see this movie in Tooele and in the other theater there was a Power Rangers movie playing. About halfway through Pocahontas we were all wishing we would have chosen to see that one, because there was no way it could be as dull and preachy as Pocahontas.

Pocahontas, for me, marks the beginning of the end of Disney as we once knew it. Theatrical follow-ups to Pocahontas included The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan, and Tarzan. Each of these while decent family entertainment failed to meet the high standard that movie-goers had come to expect from Disney. Mulan could arguably be considered a last gasp of Disney greatness, but at that point Disney had already lost its hold over the family animation market. Tarzan could arguably be considered as the first big-release Disney animation feature to not feature any real songs, other than Phil Collins singing in the background. At this point, I was done with Disney. No longer were they making the effort to produce films that would stand the test of time with songs that kids could learn and sing throughout their lives. More recent Disney releases have not even seemed interesting to me (Brother Bear, Home on the Range, Chicken Little) and while I'm sure they are fine family entertainment, they fall far short of what I've come to expect. The most recent Disney animated release I've seen advertised is something called "The Wild" which as far as I can tell is a rip-off of Madagascar.

In parallel with this decline in theatrical release quality, Disney began another practice that reeks of just trying to make a buck entertainment -- the straight to video release sequel. 1994 marked the first of these sequels to established Disney classics with the release of Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar. The hallmarks of these straight to video releases is the failure to return the same voice talents as the original films, coupled with substandard animation quality and an overall decline in the quality of the final product. It would be one thing to me if they were just releasing a lower-tier series of animated products, but its another thing when you are taking characters and storylines that people have grown to love and expanding them without giving them the proper respect just to make a buck. It was one thing to make The Rescuers Down Under theatrically, but quite another to make a film like Peter Pan 2 just to capitalize on the popularity of the Peter Pan franchise.

Other examples of Disney fairytales that have been extended in this fashion include: Beauty & the Beast (Belle's Magical World), the Lion King (Lion King 2: Simba's Pride, and Lion King 1.5), the Little Mermaid (Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea), Lady and the Tramp (Lady and the Tramp 2: Scamp's Adventure), Cinderella (Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True), 101 Dalmations (101 Dalmations II: Patch's London Adventure), The Jungle Book (The Jungle Book 2), and Dumbo (Dumbo 2). How long until we see Steamboat Willie 2: Willie's Adventure?

Imagine if you will that 30 years from now, after George Lucas is dead, whoever owns the rights to the Star Wars franchise starts making sequels to the movies, and in addition, making straight-to-video poor quality Star Wars films. Or someone deciding now to write sequels to the Lord of the Rings books, but just having some no-name run of the mill fantasy writer sit down and crank them out to make a buck.

The final vestige of Disney magic, Disneyland, has as yet managed to hang on to most of its magic, but given that it has previously relied heavily on characters from Disney's theatrical releases, how long until we see older classic rides like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride replaced with something like Home on the Range's Wild Tractor Ride.

I honestly don't understand what Disney is doing these days. If not for their serendipitous relationship with Pixar, it would have been years since I'd even cared about a film with the Disney logo. Its not like there aren't good song writers out there. Broadway seems to still be cranking out hit musicals filled with original music. Has Disney given up on creating the best in quality family entertainment? Disney now owns ABC and ESPN. What does that have to do with making quality family entertainment? Right now, I feel as though I've lost a piece of my childhood.

In the Beginning...

Back in 1997, I went to college and got my first email address. This was a time when the internet was usually slow and email was something that had to be checked at the school (not that I had a computer at my apartment). With the advent of this new-fangled messaging communication came the infamous Forward. Honestly I don't know how people got their humor before the internet existed. Letterman pretty much had the corner on Top Ten lists, and even Jay Leno might share a joke that you hadn't heard before.

In this time of ASCII-art and non-web-based email, a friend of mine sent me a forward that truly has withstood the test of time, and today I would like to share it with you. I try to be very judicious in the things I forward on to others, but this is one that I would never be ashamed to pass on. My only guess as to its origins are the name at the bottom, but even then I can't be sure that that person was the original creator.

Warning: this forward falls into the category of "Bathroom Humor", but in a very literal sense. Also, its mainly for the guys, but I think that girls may find it humorous as well. Without further ado:

**********************************************

Okay this is pretty funny especially for men.  Ladies,
I hope you can
appreciate this!


The following is the urinal configuration in a sample
men's room.
An X above the number will indicate "in use."

(Sample):

| - | - | x | - | - | x |     (Indicates that urinals 3 and 6
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |     are occupied.)
-------------------------

You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at
which stall you are to correctly stand.  Good luck!

--------------------
  Easy Section
--------------------
1.)

| - | x | - | x | - | - |     (Urinals 2 and 4 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice: ___
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Correct answer: 6        It's the ONLY one to go to and every
                        guy instinctively knows this.
===============================================
2.)

| x | - | - | - | - | - |    (Urinal 1 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice:  ___
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Correct answer: 6        Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a
                        greater risk of being next to someone
                        who arrives later.
===============================================
-------------------------
Kind of tricky Section:
-------------------------
3.)

| - | - | - | - | - | - |   (empty)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
--------------------------

Your choice:  __
-----------------------------------------------------
-----------
Correct answer:  1 or 6    You are tacitly saying,
                          "I don't want anyone next to me."
===============================================
4.)

 | - | x | - | x | - | x |       (2, 4 and 6 occupied)
 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
 -------------------------

Your choice:  ___
------------------------------------------------------
-----------
Correct answer:  1        You're stuck being next to at
                         least ONE guy, so you minimize the
                         impact and get a wall on your left.
                         NEVER go between TWO guys if you
                         can help it.  Exceptions to this
                         are stadium restrooms where the
                         herd thunders in.
===============================================
-----------------------------------------------
Subtle, tricky, but important to know Section
-----------------------------------------------
5.)

| - | x | - | - | x | x |          (2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice:  __
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Correct answer:  4       Believe it or not,  1 and 3 "couples"
                        you with the guy in stall 2. And we
                        wouldn't want THAT now, would we?

                        This differs from question 4 in such a
                        subtle way that the nuances cannot be
                        explained.  Suffice to say, only we men
                        would understand!
===============================================
-----------------------------
VERY tricky indeed Section
-----------------------------
6.)

| x | x | - | - | x | x |          (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice:  ___
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Correct answer:  NONE!  You go to the mirror and pretend to
                       comb your hair or straighten a tie
                       until the urinals "open up" a bit more.
                       If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for
                       goodness sake! . use a doored stall.
===============================================
Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
-- NO Talking, unless it's a good friend. but even then, keep
   it terse and unemotional.  This ain't no clubhouse.
-- I don't think I need to tell you, absolutely NO touching of
   anyone other than yourself.  A touch of another's elbow is of
   the highest offense.
-- NO Singing.  Period.
-- Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only."Yeah, I see
   you there.  I will not look again".

- ------- End of Forwarded Message- ---
Caffeine Boy
caffeine@iastate.edu

------- End of Forwarded Message

------- End of Forwarded Message---
                             Chad D. Navrude
                          Iowa State University

------- End of Forwarded Message

********************************************************

I think that too often today's forwards rely on people doing some stupid and having it either reported in the news, or captured in a photo, or on video. That or some silly flash animation of a baby singing and/or dancing. If only we had more like the urinal quiz. C'mon America. We can do better.

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #9: Sconecutter's Club Scone Sandwich

This week's review takes us to another Utah original (I'm always surprised to find out that all these restaurant chains started here, although I guess I haven't lived enough other places to find out if they actually exist elsewhere): The Sconecutter.



While being a Utah original, they happen to have a pretty weak web-presence and it was pretty hard to find any pictures of any of their scone sandwiches, so I decided to just get the logo which required some cutting and pasting just to get it isolated. Anyway, moving on to the sandwich itself...

The Club scone comes on your choice of white or wheat scones (white for me). Its main ingredients are sliced turkey and a couple strips of bacon, and the toppings include lettuce, tomato, cheese, sprouts, and pickle and onions that I always skip.

I think the key to a good sandwich is the bread that hold it together. Great ingredients can be ruined by bad bread (see Gandolfo's). I think that Sconecutter does a great job of making scones that are consistently hot, fresh, and the right amount of thickness, along with just a hint of classic scone taste. And the way it holds all the ingredients in makes it feel kind of like a burrito. I do recommend getting some sauce (mayo at the least) to put on it because otherwise it can be a little bit dry.

While Sconecutter is a bit pricier than regular fast food fare, I find that it makes a nice change from the run of the mill menu. Open 24 hours, I believe, so its makes a nice late night fastfood run when you've had your fill of Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers, but aren't in the mood to go all out with a place like Village Inn.

1 for Sorrow, 2 for Joy...

"Today...I consider myself...the luckiest man...on the face of the Earth..."

So said Lou Gehrig once, but I'm feeling that way right now, after having just returned from seeing my favorite band, The Counting Crows, play here in Salt Lake at the Delta Center. It was part of BrainShare, a yearly Novell conference, and they were ever-so-kind enough to open the concert up to the public, although it wasn't really announced and even when I heard about it, it wasn't for sure that we could get in without a ticket of some kind. So I didn't invite a lot of people to go down with me in case we couldn't get in in the end, just one friend who is also a big fan (although not as big a fan as I am). We got there about 7:30 or so and it sounded like at 8:00 they were going to open it up to the public. When we got there, there was a small line forming, but by 8:00 there was a line stretching from the doors back to the intersection (quite a ways if you aren't familiar with the DC setup).

We got in, found decent seats, across the floor from the band, right about center stage. We heard some comedian who was somewhat funny, mixed in with some Novell parodies of TV shows like 24, Lost, and CSI, and then about 8:40 the band took the stage and went to town. They played for about an hour before leaving the stage, and then after the crowd refused to be denied more CC goodness, came back and gave us 3 more songs. Here's the setlist:

Recovering the Satellites
Mr. Jones
St. Robinson and his Cadillac Dream
Mrs. Potter's Lullaby
Rain King (Acoustic)
Miami
Friend of the Devil
Long December
Hanginaround

and for the encore we got:

Black and Blue
Hard Candy
Holiday in Spain

So not too shabby if you ask me. The only one I don't especially like is Recovering the Satellites, but even that was fine to open with. I wish they could play here more often.

A couple fun items from Adam's monologue included his thumbs-up to the Red Iguana and this little narrative (which I'm obviously not quoting verbatim):

"I made friends with a woman here in Salt Lake a long time ago, a devout Mormon. She's recently divorced, and I know the rule is no sex before marriage, but I thought I was pretty smart and thought maybe there was a loophole for sex after marriage. Nope. It doesn't matter how smart you are, you're not getting anything from a woman that she doesn't want to give you. But we did have a good conversation on religion and a lot of stuff. But no sex. Which was fine, because I've had sex before, but I've never had that conversation before."

All in all, a great night. Lots of fun, great music, and all for $3 worth of parking, and Kelsey chipped in $2 on that since I drove. I'm so lucky. Thank you Novell. Oh, and did I mention that Yellowcard is playing a free (for students) show at the U next month? Good times.

Why I Hate (or at least strongly dislike) Catch Phrase

Last night after our weekly Sunday night ward gathering of many names (ward prayer, ward stare, pray-n-stay, scope-n-hope, have-a-cookie-and-take-a-lookie) several of us stayed to play some games. We started with the classic Nerts and then moved on to Scattergories, before someone moved on to the world's dumbest game: Catch Phrase.



While I realize I may have offended many people, among them whoever makes Catch Phrase (Milton Bradley? Hasbro? I really don't know who makes games any more), but it is not without reason. I can't stand that game. And there is a sense of dread that comes over me whenever someone brings it up, because for some reason people love this game, and I can't for the life of me figure out why.

For those of you who have never played Catch Phrase, its basically a guess the word game where when its your turn you hold the beeping timer that also shows you the word you need to have your team guess before you can pass it on to a member of the other team. When the timer runs out, whichever team is holding the timer loses that round and the other team gets a point. Sounds simple enough, right? That the problem its too simple. Generally the clues are some simple phrase like "apple pie" or "center field" or something along those lines. And obviously some people will take longer than others to come up with a good clue or two to help their team guess it. But basically all the game is, is hot potato with a little bit of guessing to make you feel like there is some skill involved. But there isn't. When you look past the word guessing fluff, its really just a timer that you pass around and when it buzzes whoever is holding it loses. I like to emphasize the silliness of this by saying after each round to whoever is holding the timer, "You are terrible at this game!" Because really it has nothing to do with their ability to play the game.

I'm sure that some will argue that that's why the game is fun, anyone can win and its a easy game that everyone can enjoy. But if that's the case, then why not just play pattycakes. The amount of skill involved is pretty much the same. Just to give you an idea of the irrational love bestowed on this game, here are some excerpts from an Amazon.com user review of the game:

"Catch Phrase" is one of the many cool things I have discovered since being in college

And I thought my college life was a little boring.

For example, if the word was "pumpkin," you could say something along the lines of, "Okay, guys, Peter-Peter-blank-eater!" If someone has been keeping up on their nursery rhymes, he or she will know that the word in place of "blank" is "pumpkin." Make sense?

Sounds tough, right?

Educational Value: This is a thinking game. That's the only way I know how to put it. You have to think about what it is your teammate is trying to say without he or she actually coming out and saying it. And they're not all as easy as "pumpkin." There are some real stumpers in this game, and that only adds to the fun (or frustration depending upon what side you're on).

For someone in college to call this game educational, calls into question their standardized test scores. Even if they aren't all as easy as pumpkin.

In short, "Catch Phrase" is a very cool game. It's great to play with a lot of people, and it never gets boring. I've played this numerous times, and I always have interesting stories to tell the next day.

I'm sure he could tell us some really doozies.

I'm sure part of my bitterness toward the game also stems from a New Years Eve a few years back when I got stuck in a room full of people who were all so tired that once they started playing Catch Phrase they were unable to come up with any other idea, and we played Catch Phrase for at least 2 hours straight. The last hour was a variation that someone came up with where there was no timer, no teams, and you had to think of just one word as your clue. Granted this required a bit more creativity, but just playing Catch Phrase for 2 solid hours was enough to move me from a level of indifference to a true distaste for the game.

Personally I feel that Taboo, with its buzzer that must be used as an electric razor by someone each time it is played, is a much better word guessing game that allows players to be creative and benefit from their skills. But maybe that's just me.

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #8: Schlotzsky's Turkey Bacon Club

I'm going to have to hurry to get this one in under the midnight Friday wire, but I can't be held totally at fault. In case you weren't aware, Blogger had a bit of a brain cramp and my blog has been inaccessible over large portions of the last two days. Thankfully it seems to be back up and running. *Crosses fingers*

This week's fast food favorite comes to us courtesy of Schlotzsky's Deli, another fast food joint that I can't seem to find outside of the mall food court these days, which is kind of weird considering the relatively considerable wait time for your sandwich to be ready. There used to be one down the road from where I live, but its gone now. Too bad. Also for a word, it really has a high consonant to vowel ratio. (9:2) Those Poles (is Schlotzsky's a Polish name?) really know how to get the most out of their vowels.

I am totally in love with Schlotzsky's Turkey Bacon Club sandwich (and most of their other sandwiches for that matter). I couldn't find a picture of the club itself, but here's a picture of their Original:



I think what really makes the sandwich for me is a) the quality of their baked fresh daily bread, and b) the toasting process that makes the bread so nice and crispy and melts the cheese and get the turkey warmed up....mmmm. Its really a shame that there isn't one of these near my house anymore. At approximately $7 for a combo meal they could be really taking my money off my hands for me. Just thinking about it makes me want to drive downtown and get one tomorrow.

American History as Taught to Me in Public Schools

In my life, I've always made an effort to do my best in school. I've done quite well academically and as as result feel like in many fields I have learned quite a bit. However, I find that History is always something that I don't know very much about. It's not that I didn't pay attention in history class, it's just that I feel like there are some inherent problems in the way that history is taught in school. Every history class feels like it has to start as far back as possible. I can realize that if you are writing a history book that you'd want to start at the beginning, but it seems like someone should be explaining that students actually study history more than one time as they grow up, so covering the same ground maybe is a bit redundant. Allow me to elaborate by giving you the full extent of what I know about US History.

First, there were Indians here. Thats right, Indians. Native Americans if you will. They were here before Columbus came. I don't know if you knew that, but I suspect you probably did. Some famous ones include Pochantas, Squanto, and Sacajawea. Every single American History class I've ever had felt the need to make sure I was aware of that. We get it. They were here first.

Then Columbus came, and there were explorers from Spain and France and Britain and the Netherlands. Then the colonies were formed and we fought the British and won. Then we got our Constitution, and there was something called the Whiskey Rebellion and the Missouri Compromise. Then there was the Civil War. I'm sure something happened in between the Revolutionary War and the Civil War besides the Whiskey Rebellion and the Missouri Compromise, but that stuff seems to have escaped me.

After the Civil War is where things start to get pretty fuzzy. I know there was the Depression and the World Wars (I & II). But I think a lot of that I learned about after high school, as a result of watching TV and Movies. I pretty sure that most of my history classes never got to World War II, much less anything that happened after that.

So basically, in my mind, there was the Holocaust, and shortly thereafter Reagan was elected. I only know about Reagan and beyond because I lived through it. Doesn't it seem silly that every history class has to start at the beginning? No class ever makes it all the way through to those back chapter, except for maybe AP American History, but we didn't have that at my school, so I can't say if it did or not. Can you imagine if every math class started with counting, and covered the same ground as every other math class? It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

Timeline:

Long ago - Indians were here
1492 - Columbus came with three ships, the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria
15?? - There was that island where everyone disappeared. (Roanoke?)
16?? - The pilgrims came and landed at Plymouth Rock and Squanto taught them how to grow corn, 1st Thanksgiving
1776 - Declaration of Independence
1787 - Constitution
17?? - Whiskey Rebellion
18?? - Missouri Compromise
18?? - The Gadsen Purchase
18?? - Civil War
1869 - Transcontinental Railroad Completed (It happened on the 10th of May in 1869, a wedding sealed with gold and silver nails. The Central Pacific...and Union Pacific...hugging and a-chugging down the rails.
194? - World Wars
1980 - Reagan Elected

Princess's Lib

Now before I begin typing anything in this post, I want to preface it by saying that I'm not trying to push any kind of agenda here or change the way that things are currently. That said, lets begin our journey to a place where I may possibly offend any and all of my female readers.

Yesterday I heard two contrasting stories. The first was in Sunday School where we were reading the story of Rebekah and how Abraham's servant found her and knew she was the girl that Isaac was to marry. Essentially, the servant went to the well with his 10 camels and asked if someone there would draw water for him and his camels. Some of the comments were about how that must have been a whole lot of water and how Rebekah clearly was a special woman to be willing to draw water for all of them, and clearly she would make an excellent wife for Isaac.

Fast forward to later in the day at an evening ward activity...a girl is there telling some story about how when she was in high school choir how this one time they girls in the choir were carrying all these flowers and they were soooo heavy and how none of the guys offered to help them carry them, and how lame those guys were.

Discuss.

I'm not saying that guys shouldn't help girls. I'm just saying that somewhere in between then and now, this whole "princess" mentality cropped up and some girls feel as though everything should be done for them, and the fact that a guy would let them do something without offering to help makes them pretty much the scum of the earth.

I realize that by just showing this contrast I'm going to imply that I am that kind of guy. I don't think that I am, but on occasion you either just don't realize that a girl needs help (heaven forbid she ask for it), or you assume that given the nature of the task they can handle it on their own. In this era of women's lib mixed with princess syndrome you pretty much can't win. In fact a lot of times, girls want you to ask if they need help, but then act offended that you would even suggest they couldn't handle it on their own.

I suggested to the girl that perhaps by carrying the flowers herself, someone was picking her out as a potential wife. She didn't think that was too funny.

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #7: Great Steak and Potato Company's Great Steak sandwich

I've been taking a bit of flack lately for my apparent obsession with bacon (the unfancy portion of the pig). And while I can neither confirm nor deny any feelings for bacon at this time, I've decided to offer up a weekly favorite which is coincidentally pork free:

Great Steak and Potato Company's Great Steak sandwich.


Essentially its a cheesesteak with lettuce and tomato. Cooked up hot on the grill right in front of you. Served with some burn-your-mouth-hot french fries it was a staple of my time working at the Church Office Building, as the vocal leader of the Temple Department programmers could rarely be talked into eating at the in-house cafeteria. Its a little pricey, but as a special occasion meal its a real winner. Granted, I'm sure in Philadelphia this place is fairly run of the mill. But here in Utah, we just don't have very many fast food joints that will grill up some steak for you at a moment's notice.

Great Steak and Potato Company falls into the category of fast food places that I've to date only seen in Shopping Center Food Courts. I can't figure out why this place isn't more popular and why the only one that I have ever even seen is in the one at the ZCMI Food Court. I think they have several delicious menu items to choose from. In fact the only reason it hasn't made it on to the blog until now is that I forgot that it existed until today as I was trying to think of what to write about.

Wierd side note: The spellchecker on blogger tells me that 'blog' isn't in their spelling dictionary. If I weren't so confused on what constitutes irony (thanks for that Alanis Morrissette), I'd call that ironic.

Why Firefox dominates IE

Because you can have the Forecast Fox extension pop up and let you know that the current weather is "Heavy Snow", which then makes you get up and look outside for the first time today and realize how lucky you are that you can work from home if necessary since the road outside is packed with snow that continues to fall. Go My Favorite Browser Go!

Random Thoughts on the English Language #8

When something doesn't have an author attributed to it, we say that its 'anonymous', but as of yet, I've never heard of anything being called 'nonymous'.

Pickyness, Pt. 2: The touch, the feel of cotton, the fabric of our lives

I'm sure that my faithful readers have been waiting on pins and needles to get the follow-up to yesterday's post about my pickyness about smells. Or they've been hoping that I'll forget I ever started this thread and move on to something less boring. Well, in an attempt to appease both groups, I'll try to wrap this topic up today.

In addition to being picky about foods and smells, I also tend to be very picky regarding the sense of touch. When I shop for clothes, the way the fabric feels is a deciding factor in whether or not I will consider buying something. I pick things whose appearance I like, but then I definitely need to see how it feels when I try it on before I can ever commit to buying it. I find that I tend to choose fabrics that feel heavier and thicker. I love my Oxford dress shirts and hate when I (due to lack of clean laundry) have to wear something thinner. Lets just say that me and cotton are good friends. Nylons and polyesters are tough to find in my closet.

I also love the feel of my down comforter and down pillow when I crawl into bed at night. Something about the substance of it all. Not sure what. But I really do have a preference for those. I try to take my pillow with me when I'm road tripping. It doesn't pack quite as well on flights, but it makes a huge difference to me and sleeping.

Anyway, I guess that wraps up this topic. I am not particularly picky about sight and sound. I have one of the most diverse music collections of anyone I know, so I certainly wouldn't consider myself picky in that realm. And as for sight, I'm not even sure what a picky see-er would be.

Thanks for indulging my self-analysis. I'll try to keep it to a minimum in this space unless you, the reader, demands more of it.

Pickyness: Its more than just an eating disorder

On a completely un-fast-food-related note...I thought today that I'd share a little bit about myself, something I don't do here often and certainly don't take this as a shift in the type of fare that you can expect to see here.

I've been thinking lately about some tendencies that I have. Sensitivities if you will. As a child, I was a very picky eater. There were certain foods I would refuse to eat, despite having never tried them. I'm sure that most parents can probably relate to the situation. As a result, there were quite a number of foods that I didn't first try until I was an adult.

When I was called to serve as a missionary to Argentina I promised myself that I would eat anything that was put in front of me. A bold statement, certainly, but I was lucky enough to travel to a place where I saw a minimum of foods that would be considered a novelty here (cow tongue, blood sausage). However, unlike most people, eating things like grapes and oranges was a fairly new experience for me. My trainer almost died laughing at the mess I made eating an orange at one of my first lunch appointments. Long story short, I made a lot of progress in what I am now willing to eat compared to before my two years in Argentina. Pretty much seafood is about the only thing I really am opposed to eating, and even then I can put away a few coconut shrimp from time to time.

But the crux of this post, is that I have come to realize that in addition to tastes I am also picky about several others of my 5 senses. For example:

Picky smeller: For the life of me, I can't understand how some people can handle the cacophony (smellophony?) of aromas that they surround themselves with. I think this might be biased towards the female gender, but lets just look at how many different smells you might be faced with when associating with some people. Start with shampoo and soap, followed by deodorant, hairspray, and the minor odor that comes with makeup. At this level, you probably aren't smelling anything unless you get pretty close. Now, add perfume.

I think that is pretty near the maximum aroma that anyone should be personally putting out. Sadly, we are not through. The next layer of aroma comes in the form of lotion that a large portion of the population cannot seem to stop applying to their skin. I mean, before Bath and Body Works came into existence were people just covered in open wounds as a result of how dry their skin was? I doubt it, but that's what they would have you think. And heaven forbid that a person stop smelling like apple blossom, or peach bouquet, or sweet pea (this name conjures up images I don't want to think of), or smelly-Mcsmell of the month. I mean the smell of these lotions is strong enough to stun a large buffalo if you ask me. Who hasn't had a co-worker would couldn't make it through a 30 minute staff meeting without needing to re-apply? Its getting to be as bad as smoking. Can we get a ban on public lotioning? Can someone please show that secondhand lotioning has harmful effects? I'm dying here.

In addition to the lotion-madness that has gripped the world around me, its hard to get in a car that doesn't have some super-pungent car "fresh"ner overpowering me. And I don't know if its swept the nation yet, but Utah is completely under the power of the scented candle czars, who have convinced a large portion of my state that normal house smell is just not up to snuff for visitors. One must always have a candle of some special aroma greeting, nay bombarding, each guest as they enter. Between candle hotplates and candlelighters I keep expecting the candle market to pass iPods for number of most available accessories.

Now, please realize there are some smells that I like (fresh brownies, certain perfumes, gasoline), just like they are foods that I really enjoy. Being a picky eater, doesn't make me dislike all food. Being a picky smeller doesn't make me hate all smells, but if you are personally carrying a cocktail of upwards of 10 different aroma in your aura, chances are one of them is going to be too much for me.

In the interest of keeping this post brief, I'll save some of my other pickyness stories for later this week.

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #6: Arctic Circle's Bacon Cheeseburger

Its a little sad for me to note that I haven't made an entries in the blog since last Friday's entry. Maybe that will be my new goal: at least one entry in between the Friday features. Anyway, I'm starting to get busy with a little project for school (we'll call it the Spring Break Wrecker for now), and I'm actually heading down to Las Vegas for the weekend. So I can't be beholden to this blog at all times.

Anyway, on to this week's feature: The Black Angus Bacon Cheeseburger at Arctic Cirlce (Hold the pickles, please).



Now, as a kid I remember eating at the Arctic Circle in the old downtown part of Tooele (even older than the current downtown). But as an adult, I never seemed to live near one. Just recently I realized that there was one just a few lights from where I live, so I decided to give it a shot. And I'm glad I did. While their menu is loaded with different burgers, chicken sandwiches, and fish items, I've yet to move beyond my first selection, the Bacon Cheeseburger.

Nothing too fancy, unless you consider bacon fancy, in which case we need to have a talk about which part of the pig qualifies as fancy (My vote goes to ham -- anything that can be the main course of a holiday meal deserves the title "fancy". Sorry bacon. I love you, but you ain't fancy). But always taste good and goes great with their fries and fry sauce.

The fact that they have fry sauce featured promiently on their menu made me look a little further and I discovered that, like KFC, Arctic Circle is a Utah original. I think we should consider a new state slogan: "Utah -- Cradle of several fast food joints". I'm not sure I even what our current slogan is. I remember when I was little seeing stuff that said "Utah: A pretty great state!" or something to that effect. Not quite "Best Valley City", but not much better.

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #5: Orange Chicken at Panda Express

I'm finally getting this up at 7 on a Friday night. (Don't worry, I have plans at 8, I'm not home blogging away my sadness).

This week's Fast Food Fav comes to you courtesy of Panda Express. A restaurant that I frequent from time to time. Its not very close to home but on occasion I'll stop on the way home from school. Anyway, as you may or may not know, they have a fairly wide selection of entrees. The problem is that so far I've yet to find anything that compares with the Orange Chicken or even comes close.



So its kind of a double edged sword. I LOVE the orange chicken, but am not really excited about anything else on the menu. So I can't really go there frequently and just eat the same meal over and over again. You would think they could come up with something else as good as that. In fact they've had some entrees I like pretty well that have disappeared off the menu (sweet and sour chicken, beef and potato).

But the orange chicken can stand alone as their signature item, and maybe someone will get suckered into ordering the Beef and Mushrooms (which is really the Mushrooms and Vegetables and a tiny bit of Beef).

The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! aka Asking a Girl on a Date

Can I just say that even now at age 27, dating is not an easy thing. Calling a girl and asking her out on a date, even when she, to date, has not fled, screaming, away from my prescence. From the very first time I asked a girl out down to the very last, there always is a feeling of almost crippling terror that seizes me as I make the phone call to ask a girl out. Why? I don't know. But whenever I make that call its like what I imagine jumping out of an airplane must be like. Once you've dialed the number there's pretty much no turning back, and yet you really aren't sure whats going to happen when they pick up on the other end.

Given that, the relief/elation/amazement that I get when she says that yes, she'd be willing to go to a restaurant with me and eat some food, is pretty much uncomparable as well. There's just something about asking someone out on a date that makes me feel so completely vulnerable that it feels like walking a tight rope. Even after having successfully completed numerous such calls.

So girls, if there are any girls who haven't already gotten bored by my descriptions of fast food and obscure presidents, please be nice when a guy calls to ask you out. If you don't want to go out, try to make it clear so he doesn't have to get shot down repeatedly. If you do want to go out, but can't at that day/time, say you'd like to go out another time. If you want to and can go out, let him know you are excited. Just some tips for helping us date, since its clear that you think we should.

President Who?

I received an invitation this past weekend to a President's Day party where it was suggested that one dress as his/her favorite president/first lady. This got me thinking, obviously you might see a lot of Abe Lincolns and George Washingtons, along with some of the more recent presidents (Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush), but wouldn't it be much cooler to go as one of the more obscure presidents, like Rutherford B. Hayes or Chester A. Arthur. I didn't go to that party (had a better option come up), but I did wear a nametag at our mingle yesterday after church that said Rutherford B. Hayes.

Then just today, I was thinking, "I bet there are some other presidents that I haven't even thought of in years." I just looked and I was right. I haven't seen the names of some of these guys since 5th grade. Here's a list of the ones I had completely forgotten were at one point in charge of our great nation (and I'm only listing the ones that came as a complete surprise):

William Henry Harrison (only president during 1841)

Update: I'd heard this story before, but had forgotten which president it was about. William Henry Harrison (Tippecanoe of Tippecanoe and Tyler too fame) gave a long-winded inaugural address in the midst of inclement weather, caught pneumonia and died a month later, making his tenure the shortest in American history. Tyler happened to be his VP and became the president one month into his vice-presidency.

John Tyler (of Tippecanoe and Tyler too fame)
Franklin Pierce
Benjamin Harrison (seems like he is related to the other Harrison, but I am still not certain I ever knew of a president Benjamin Harrison)

So, I guess there were just 4 that I felt caught me complete off guard, but that's approximately 10% of our presidents that I didn't even know existed, much less what they contributed to our country. A few other less-obscure, yet still-obscure to me include Zachary Taylor, James Garfield, and Warren Harding. I'm sure at the time they felt like what they did would have a lasting impact on American history and maybe it did, but sadly their names have not received the fame that others have.

Disclaimer: History is by far my worst subject, not that I ever got less than an A, just never took any real history classes, but that's a topic for another day. So, if you are offended that I've labeled one of your favorites as obscure, feel free to enlighten me on his contributions.

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #4: Taco Bell's Zesty Chicken Border Bowl

I realize its Saturday afternoon as I post this, but please forgive me. I returned home around 5 yesterday and had so much catching up to do that I really felt more like being a content consumer than a content producer. I have posted some photos to Flickr (many more still to come), so feel free to peruse those.

Without further ado, I give you this week's Fast Food Favorite: The Zesty Chicken Border Bowl from Taco Bell.



I know this picture is small, but the bowl itself is quite filling. Its got a base layer of refried beans and rice, topped with lettuce, tomato, cheese, crunchy tortilla strips, sliced grilled chicken, and a zesty ranch/salsa dressing that really seals the deal for me.

This is a menu item that you can count on to fill you up. I used to think I needed some kind of side to go with it if I was hungry, but I would always find out that I was pretty stuffed after just the chicken bowl. But then you feel obligated to power through the rest, since you did just buy it after all, and heaven knows it ain't keepin in the fridge.

As a corollary to this item, I'd like to mention the 2 vital rules for Taco Bell dining.

#1: Never eat the ground beef.
#1a: Especially never eat the ground beef after midnight.

Trust me on those.

Quick Note: San Diego has awesome weather.

Is it really winter right now? Its an overcast day and it made me almost wish for a jacket. Almost. Anyway, I hope to have some nice pix to share with you all coming soon. I get back Friday afternoon, and may need some recovery time, but probably by Monday I'll have some stuff up to share. Tonight, we are going to see an ABBA cover band play on a retired aircraft carrier. Honest.

Oh, but I will try to still get a fast food fav up on Friday, since I know how you all love them so much.

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #3: Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger

This week's fast food favorite is no other than the king of late night fast food runs, thats right, Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger.



Currently the star of an advertising campaign focusing on its price of $0.99. And I have never been so grateful for a national advertising campaign. Allow me to explain. For years, the 99 cent Jr. Bacon Cheese was a staple of young college aged men. Available until 2:00 am in most locations, for a mere 99 pennies, you got a bun with a decent-sized beef patty, lettuce, tomato, bacon, cheese, and mayo. Two of these and even my appetite can be sated.

Sadly, perhaps 6 months ago or so, all the Wendy's near me upped the price to a whopping $1.39. Not that this price is outrageous, but its nearly a 50% increase. This price change basically drove me away from Wendy's. Well that and the way they changed the chicken sandwiches a couple years ago.

Anyway, thanks to the national campaign with the Jr. Bacon Cheese at the center, all the stores near me have been forced to drop the price back to its original $0.99 (how come there isn't a cent sign on my keyboard?). Oh, happy day.

BTW, I'm leaving for San Diego tomorrow for a week (projected high of 75 tomorrow). Peace out suckas!

(Day After) Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #2: Einstein Bros.' Turkey Sausage and Chedder Egg Sandwich

I can't believe I let a Friday go by without providing another Fast Food Fav. I mean I've been doing this for a whole 1 Friday and already slacking. Maybe we'll just attribute that to the fact I had a date yesterday.

Anyway, without further ado, I give to you: The Breakfast of Champions (assuming that my two GMS Geography Bee titles are enough to qualify me as "champions"): The Einstein Bros Turkey Sausage and Chedder Frittata Egg Sandwich, on choice of bagels, my choice generally being Asiago.

Now, you would be surprised how hard it is to get pictures of fast food menu items on the web. I guess I'll have to take my camera with me next time to get an actual image of the sandwich, but in the meantime, you can gaze upon the Einstein Bros logo.



Anyway, up until this past October I had never been to Einsteins, and had only on occassion even eaten their bagels, usually in some kind of morning school meeting. But, on a fateful Saturday in October, my good friend Scott was coming with his wife to pick me up to go to the airport to fly to DC for a conference. They had stopped at Einstein's and asked me if I wanted something. I said sure and they listed for me a variety of breakfast sandwiches. I settled on the Thick Hickory Bacon and Cheddar (or something like that). Needless to say I was blown away with the quality and have since made Einsteins a frequent breakfast spot. I soon switched from the Bacon sandwich to the Sausage one. Mmm, turkey sausage.

Just the right amount of spicyness, and if I just drink water instead of lemonade its about as cheap as a McDonalds breakfast, but without the subsequent indigestion. Not sure if thats because they don't have greasy hashbrowns to go with, but whatever it is, it keeps me coming back. I'm almost done with my 2nd frequent diner card (8 punches per card) which I actually didn't even have until I'd been going for a while. And I can use the free one on a lunch sandwich which is actually worth about $2.00 more than a breakfast sandwich, so thats a little hidden bonus.

Einsteins, I thank you.

Random Thoughts on the English Language #7

Oftentimes you hear of there being a "whole slew" of something. Yet you never hear of "half a slew" or "two slews".

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #1: Arby's Chicken Bacon 'n Swiss

We all have things that we are passionate about: politics, religion, sports, etc. I for one am passionate about fast food. Thats why I've decided to try to do a weekly post highlighting one of the wonderous fast food items that makes my life extra special. I realize that fast food is not the healthiest of foods and has led to several films and books being created to ensure that we are aware of that fact. So please don't try to warn me. I've been warned. And I'm actually doing much better lately at shopping and then eating the food that I buy at the store.

Anyway, this week I thought I'd start with one of my staples: Arby's Chicken Bacon 'n Swiss sandwich.


You really can't go wrong with this one. Crisp peppered bacon. Fried chicken breast. Sesame seed bun. Swiss Cheese. And some sauce that I think is Honey Mustard. Add a dash of Arby's Sauce and you are in heaven.

Over the years Arby's has had a vast array of chicken sandwiches available, including my all-time favorite, the no longer offered Western Chicken Bacon Ranch, and several other that featured sliced roasted chicken, which I find to be more enjoyable than the fried chicken. But given that none of the Arby's I am familiar with are currently offering sliced roasted chicken, the Chicken Bacon 'n Swiss is definitely a great choice. If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it.

Random Thoughts on the English Language #6

You always hear about people with low self-esteem. Is there another kind of esteem? Like peer-esteem? You're suffering from low peer-esteem.

Something I'd buy if I could find one

I've been thinking of something I'd like to buy, but don't know if it even exists and if so where to find one, but here's my idea. If its not out there and someone wants to invent it, just give me the credit.

I want a device that lets me transfer data between electronic storage devices that is much less bulkly than my laptop. Let me explain. I, like most people these days, have a digital camera. When I go on vacation, I take pictures with it. But unlike a film camera, once you have used up all your memory, buying another memory card isn't quite as cheap as buying another roll of film. Granted you can take many more photos than you could with a roll of film, and you can delete the ones you don't like (although with my camera, I have been unable to delete pictures off my memory card without clearing the whole card). But once the card is full, its full. If you want to take more pictures you have to upload the pictures to a computer and clear your memory card to start taking more pictures. My solution to this dilemma is to take my iPod with me on vacation (as if I wouldn't already take it with me) and use its hard drive to store my pictures once I've filled a memory card. A USB Flash memory drive would also fill that role. But in order to accomplish this feat I need a computer to act as the middleman. If I'm staying with friends I'll just use their computer, but if I'm travelling solo, I generally have to take my laptop with me to be sure I'll have a way to do it.

It seems as though there ought to be a way to create a simple device that allows you to connect to electronic devices and transfer data between them. I mean you'd need a couple USB ports, maybe a firewire port, and some kind of OS that can recognize the devices, and perhaps an LCD display to give the user a little bit of control over what happens, but really thats about it. Obviously there would be options for expanded versions of this idea. For example, add a CD drive that would let you rip songs and send them to your iPod. In order to have an mp3 player, you pretty much need to have a computer as its home base. Why should you need a computer that costs $1000 to put music on your $100 mp3 player? I realize most people already have a computer, but still.

If anyone out there knows of a device like this, please let me know. If not, please invent one and give me a freebie, as you'll soon be raking in the dough with this lucrative idea that I am offering you.

Jake Needs...

So one of the blogs that I keep on list of ones I check daily had a post recently entitled "Claire Needs" and then showed how much fun it is to go to Google and type "Jake needs" or whatever your name might be and then look at the phrases that come up. Let me just say it was a lot of fun to see what the world at large thinks that I need. :)

Here's some of the top results that I found:

(Results in orange. My comments in blue.)

Jake needs to make changes -- someone's obviously been paying attention

Jake needs financial backing -- not sure for what, but I wouldn't say no

Jake needs a vacation -- its sad that I need one this shortly after returning from 3 weeks off, but luckily Martin Luther King, Jr. day is just around the corner.

Jake needs someone who can show him love, spoil him, hug him, kiss him, and show him life can be all that -- would be scary in its accuracy were it not part of a pet adoption ad

Jake needs someone to love him -- ibid

Jake needs to jack it up -- actually I tend to have no problem jacking things up

Jake needs more backstory -- you mean the thrilling story of how I won the Grantsville Middle School Geography Bee in back-to-back years isn't enough to hold your attention?

Jake needs a yard -- if only to have a place to put up the American flag kit that my parents gave me for Christmas

Jake needs 2 pints of milk for a cake -- and of course the motivation to cook

Jake needs three pegs to win the game -- if I can get down to one peg, I hear I can get into Mensa

Jake needs help -- in so many ways

Jake needs a wake-up call -- I prefer breakfast in bed, but I guess this would be okay

Jake needs to realize that he's an amateur at this media thing -- just when I had more than one reader of my blog

Jake needs some fast money -- its for my fast offering

Jake needs to spread delivery over four months -- I always forget to manage expectations

Jake needs to make some vital changes in key areas -- if only I knew which areas and which changes

Jake needs to know the URL patterns in order to make a link -- I actually can do this pretty well on my own

Jake needs Joey for moral support -- is it still on Thursday nights?

Jake needs $100 -- in addition to the fast money and financial backing mentioned earlier, a crisp Benjamin would be nice.

Jake needs a cyber > date -- I do not! (I mean the thought has crossed my mind, but still...)

Jake needs a quiet home to go to so he can relax and stretch his little cat legs -- they get so tired after all the ball of yarn chasing

Jake needs a hairstyle -- I think thats debatable

Jake needs us, but he also needs someone else -- and thats why I'm still looking

If you made it this far, I commend you, and suggest you do the same if you are looking for some cheap laughs. Feel free to stick in the name of someone else once you get tired.

Arrrrr You Kidding Me? Sullying the Name of the Gaucho in an Attempt to Disguise Pirate Pants

I realize its been a long time since I blogged anything, but first I was on vacation and second I couldn't really find a topic that spoke to me. Anyway, this past weekend, I was downtown at the Gateway waiting for a table at one of the fine dining establishments to be found there, and since there were girls with us, we had to go shopping.

We stopped in to Express which happens to sell fancy clothes, sometimes even to men I gather from the fact that the big sale sign in the window said "Women's Clothing only". Strangely the store only seemed to sell women's clothing so I didn't quite see the need for that disclaimer. But I digress. While we were there waiting for the girls to try on some of the latest and greatest fashions, my roommate and I began a conversation about one of these latest trends in the world of high women's fashion. No, I don't mean the re-emergence of sequins, we'll save that tirade for another day. I speak of the "the gaucho pant" aka "the pirate pant" aka "the garbacho pant" as my roommate likes to call them.

On the off chance that you have not seem this trend in action, here are some images I culled from the internet (my apologies for the fact that as far as can be seen here the pants are to be worn without any shirt. My personal experience is that I've always seen them worn with a shirt) :







Ok, so that last one wasn't actually filed under "gaucho pants" but I think I make my point, which is: why would a girl want to a) wear pirate pants, and b) wear them with high heels instead of the traditional high, large-cuffed, buckle-sporting boots? They seem to be some kind of dressy capri pant or as I like to think: coulats' (sp?) ugly cousin.

At first I found the trend mildly amusing, just another example of how some women will wear anything if they think its "in-style". That was until I found out that these pirate pants were masquerading under the name "gaucho pants". As a former resident (or I guess legally my status was extended tourist) of Argentina, I personally have met gauchos and would like to let the fashion world know that gauchos in fact wear no such pants. Gauchos are the Argentine equivalent of cowboys, ranchers, cattlemen, etc. They wear traditional pants called "bombachas" which apparently (or so my Google search would indicate) is also a name for women's undergarments. These true gaucho pants are just baggy trousers, usually having multiple pleats to create the bagginess, and often having a button closure at the bottom of each leg. I didn't discuss fashion much with these gauchos, so I can't definitively give the purpose of the buttoned leg, but my guess is that it allows for the pants to be worn easily over boots.

In any case, I found some pictures of gauchos online and was able to even find website offering to sell me bombachas. If they were smart they'd label them as "gaucho pants" and try to cash in on the recent trend. Without further ado, I give you real Gaucho pants, as worn by actual gauchos:








I guess this last photo might give a hint as to why they are called gaucho pants, but I think its fairly clear that this gaucho has pants that are actually quite long and are not actually cut off right at the top of his boots.

Just wanted to stand up for the gauchos, as I doubt very few of them have internet connections and even fewer of them have blogs with a super high readership (unlike mine of course).

Musical Favorites from 2005

First off, let me say that I wrapped up this semester with my committee meeting on Thursday and I feel as though a burden has been lifted. Nice to have some things squared away.

Anyway, I've always thought you could learn a lot about a person simply by knowing what kind of music they listen to and proclaim to like. So in the spirit of sharing more about myself, I thought I'd share with you my playlist of favorite songs from 2005. Now certainly I've forgotten some of them, but I looked through my iTunes at songs dated 2005 and maybe a couple cheats that actually were released late in 2004. And I'm not sure the list is complete, so feel free to make recommendations for songs that you've enjoyed from this year and if they happen to have been songs I liked I'll add them to the list. If not, there's nothing wrong with you, it just wouldn't be my list if it had songs I didn't like on it. Your opinion will be noted and shown in the comments section.

The other limitation to this list is that it excludes songs that I've discovered this year that weren't released this year, but sometimes in life you just have to draw a line. Maybe we can address that in another blog post.

Without further ado, I give to you
Jake's Favorite Songs of 2005
(ordered alphabetically by artist)

1) Disco Inferno - 50 Cent
This song actually made me go buy the album, edited of course.

2) Outta Control (Remix) - 50 Cent ft. Mobb Deep
This song almost made me buy the special edition version of the album. Love the piano.

3) Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy - Big & Rich
Good fun. Doesn't really sound like country to me, but I'd have to listen to country radio to hear it.

4) Don't Lie - Black Eyed Peas
Hard to believe this is the same group that gave us "Milky milky cocoa puff" on the same album. Somethings not right about that.

5) Listen to Your Heart (Techno Version) - DHT
I can't think of anything to say about this one.

6) Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy
This song was able to withstand me listening to it about 1,000 times the first week that I downloaded it. Still holds up. Not as sold on the rest of their stuff, sadly. They do have great song titles (Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends, for example)

7) Hate It or Love It - The Game ft. 50 Cent
Chillin'. The remix is also good, but if I have to choose one, I choose the original.

8) How We Do - The Game ft. 50 Cent
I take issues with a few lines, but the part when The Game gives us the eagle scream is just too much fun. Great beat, too.

9) Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
Lots of fun to laugh along like a deranged maniac.

10) Holiday - Green Day
Great guitar. Don't take this as an endorsement of their anti-Bush bent.

11) Diamonds from Sierra Leone - Kanye West
Other than 50, Kanye was the only one really putting out hip-hop that I could really enjoy this year.

12) Gold Digger - Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx
One of my most favorite songs of the year. Great idea having Jamie Foxx reprise his role as Ray Charles in a song. Haven't seen that before. Great lyrics, great everything.

13) Diamonds from Sierra Leone (Remix) - Kanye West ft. Jay-Z
The rare remix that is basically a brand new song just with the same beat. I doubt this one gets played on the air much, but it actually has more to say about conflict diamonds than the original version of the song, plus I have to love me some Jigga.

14) Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
15) Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson
Two songs that grew on me this year. Still don't regret passing up seeing Kelly at the U for the 4th. But good songs nonetheless. Plus Kelly's a little hottie. Am I right fellas?

16) Smile Like You Mean It - Killers
People are still shocked when I tell them that some of the members of this band are Mormon (including the lead singer, I believe)

17) You and Me - Lifehouse
A song I could probably listen to on repeat for a long, long time. Makes me hurt inside if I'm feeling down about being single.

18) Shake It Off (Remix) - Mariah Carey ft. Jay-Z and Young Jeezy
I really can't understand Mariah's career transformation. But at least she has the sense to get Jay-Z to do a remix. Or someone does. That would be giving Mariah Ca-razy way too much credit.

19) Home - Michael Buble
Sat through the credits of "The Wedding Date" listening to this song. Strange evening where I ended up at a movie with about 15 girls. Debra Messing is hot. Except sometimes she looks too bony. I don't see how another 10 pounds wouldn't make her the next Jennifer Aniston.

20) Lose Control - Missy Elliot ft. Ciara and Fat Man Scoop
I like that Missy Elliot always seems to be doing something new. Not that it always works, but at least you can count on it being interesting.

21) Scars - Papa Roach
I'm happy to see Papa Roach have at least a 2nd great song. "Last Resort" may have my favorite all time guitar line.

22) Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls ft. Busta Rhymes
Every girl who's offered her opinion on this song seems to love it. Something about the idea of a guy checking you out even though he's with his girlfriend must be the pinnacle of cattiness for women.

23) Swing Life Away - Rise Against
Another of my most favoritest. Heard it on the radio one day and had to hunt it down by googling the lyrics. I have to be honest, I'm super suprised I haven't heard this song get played more (although I don't always hear the radio a lot). Its my #1 recommendation for people to check out if they get the chance. Short but great.

24) Beverly Hills - Weezer
"Take my picture by the pool cuz I'm the next big thing". 'Nuff said.

25) Switch - Will Smith
Not my favorite Will Smith song, but I've made promoting ol' Will a lifetime pursuit. How many people do you know who own all of his albums? I kind of wish that he'd accept the fact that he's not a gangster and quit trying to convince the hip-hop community that he deserves their attention. He's so much better when he's just having a good time.

Hope you've enjoyed this music year in review post. If you made it this far and didn't enjoy it, you probably should have just stopped reading a while ago.

I'll be leaving for my parents on Monday night, and after Christmas heading to California for New Years, so I'll probably be taking a break from my full-time web presence. Happy Holidays!

Package-ing

I once heard a comedian remark that if it weren't for women that men would wear underwear until all that was left of it was a a rubber band around their waist with some cloth hanging off of it. While this statement is not 100% accurate, its probably better than 90% accurate. My mom always bought my underwear until I left home and nowadays it take some pretty drastic circumstances to inspire me to buy more underwear.

Unfortuantely, perhaps as a result of most men's underwear being purchased by women (or perhaps this was the original cause of women doing the undy-shopping), it has now become increasingly awkward for men (or at least me, in this case) to shop for underwear for themselves. Not because we aren't used to it, but because of the packaging in which said underwear comes. Allow me to elaborate.

Just this Halloween, I was invited to a costume party that was "costume-by-assignment", certainly an interesting idea, not that everyone is going to stick to their assignment, but at least it helped me choose a costume. I was assigned to come as Superman, and was able to at least find a Superman logo T-shirt at Target and make a makeshift cape from an old red T-shirt. But I felt like to really sell the outfit, I would need some red briefs to wear over the top of some blue pants. I mean Superman has to have the red briefs, right? Anyway, cue the men's underwear aisle at Wal-mart. A full aisle of men's underwear in all kinds of styles and cuts. I never knew we men could be so varied in our choice of underneath clothes. The real problem, though? Package after package of men's underwear adorned with photos of dudes wearing only undies. The last thing I want to look at is a picture of some dude's crotch. Some muscle-bound, pretty boy showing off his package, and for who? I hope its not there to convince me what I should buy. I've never been more uncomfortable in a store than I was hunting through there looking for some red briefs. The fact that it took me more than 5 minutes to finally settle on a variety pack that had 1 pair of tighty-reddies made it all the more uncomfortable. In fact, I may have even felt more comfortable being in the women's underwear section for that long. At least there, I could have felt like just a regular old hetero-perv, instead of having to feel like one of the same gender crowd.

I actually thought about looking for some of these photos to add to this blog, but to be honest, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Look for them, or even post them. I mean, what kind of guy posts photos of other guys in their undies on his blog? So who in the world thinks that we want to see that while we are trying to buy some? Thank goodness for women who are willing to buy underwear for us men. Luckily I don't usually have to shop at Wal-mart for underwear these days. The good old distribution center has managed to stay image free since 1853 (or perhaps some other, less rhyming, year).

What Bonnie Said or The Most Profound Relationship Advice I've Ever Heard

This actually took place right around Halloween, and I'm not entirely certain why it came to me last night that I ought to post it here, but it did and I am.

3 of us (Bonnie, Lorri, and I) were doing what late-20s LDS singles are wont to do: talk about why they are single and try to figure out what they or members of the opposite gender are doing wrong. Anyway, at some point, Bonnie said this:

"Its not about finding the perfect person, its about finding the perfect relationship."

I'll let that sink in for a minute.

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...

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Ready to discuss? Ok.

First of all, for me it hearkens back to a scene in Good Will Hunting (one of my all-time favs, although you'll want to get it editted or have built up an immunity to the F-word before watching it) where Will (Matt Damon) is telling Sean (Robin Williams) about this girl that he met and went out with. Sean asks if he's going to ask her out again and Will says "I don't know. Right now she's perfect. What if I get to know her better and it turns out that she's not perfect. I don't want to mess up what I've got right now."

Sean says, "I'm going to ruin the surprise for you. She's not perfect. And you're not perfect either. But whats important is: Are you perfect for each other?"

Anyway, Bonnie's comment really made me think a lot. I really think that she is right. Because obviously nobody is perfect. And its easy to stand on the dating sidelines, figurative-speaking, and just pick out things about everyone that aren't perfect, and then justify to yourself that reason you aren't dating is because no one is "good enough" for you, that you'd be "settling" to stoop so low, etc. When really what we should be looking for is the perfect relationship, rather than the perfect person. And you really can't even get a glimpse of what your relationship with anyone would be from the sidelines. In order to even get a hint of what a relationship with someone would be like you have to put yourself in a situation where you can see that. Most commonly, known as a date.

Or at least I feel like by going on a date with someone, I am at least opening myself up to the idea that I could potentially have a relationship with that person, and also on a date (especially a good old fashioned one-on-one date) you get a chance to see how you interact with someone. And you practically have to go on multiple dates with someone to really get a good idea of what a relationship with that person would be like, whether it something that would be perfect for you, or not.

But by not dating someone who we don't immediately have the hots for, we limit ourselves in finding out what kind of relationship we might have with another person. Since then I've tried to date more, maybe not tons more due to numerous factors (busy load of coursework, situation-specific shyness that kicks in at high gear when it comes to asking someone on a date, etc.), but I've definitely opened myself up to the idea that maybe if I take someone out a couple times I might see something there that wasn't there before (little Beauty and the Beast homage).

Now this isn't to say that I've thrown all criteria for choosing who I date out the door. I still want to feel at least that I could be attracted to the person, and I still have an aversion to girls who really don't have much to say that isn't punctuated with giggles, but hopefully I can be a little less picky about smaller issues because in the end, its not the perfect person I'm looking for, but the perfect relationship.

Old Wonka or New Wonka? Need we even ask?

Apparently so. My little sister has taken it upon herself to be the standard bearer for the new Johnny Depp-starring, Tim Burton-directed version of the Roald Dahl classic "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." Meanwhile, my older brother and I am firmly in the pro-original Gene Wilder-starring film camp. The original film was actually titled "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" despite the name of the book being "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."

And this is the beginnings of the argument for the pro-Depp folks. They try to claim that its a better film because its "supposedly closer to the book". I include "supposedly" in quotation marks, because the vast majority of these people have never actually even read the book. I have. And I will concede that the original film contained several plot elements that were not from the book. For example, the whole Slugworth offering each of the children a small fortune in exchange for an Everlasting Gobstopper, the fizzy-lifting drinks scene, the geese that lay golden eggs rather than the squirrels, and of course the bizarre boat scene. BUT, while these elements were in the original film but not in the new "truer to the book" version, the new version does its own share of adding plot. The bizarre puppet Small World rip-off as the children arrive at the factory, the fact that Willy Wonka does seem to even like children, and most notably the entire plotline involving his father, Wilbur Wonka, that leads to his not originally allowing Charlie to bring his family with him to the factory, once he has been selected as the grand prize winner.



It would seem that the original book did not have enough of a conflict to get a good movie climax out of. The first film's climax comes as Charlie proves that he isn't it for the money by returning the Everlasting Gobstopper, even in the face of Wonka's tirade about Fizzy Lifting Drinks. The new film tries to make a climax out of Charlie helping Willy confront his father and finding out that actually he really does love him and that family are swell. Neither plot is from the book, and I have to give the edge here to the first film.

The next point the pro-Depp camp will make is that Johnny Depp makes a much better eccentric Willy Wonka. Who cares? Where does it say that Willy Wonka has to be a weird-o? The fact that Depp was so weird and uninterested in the children, Charlie included, made it hard for me to connect with him, and to be honest I could not hardly fathom why Charlie would even want to live with him. In fact, Depp's creepy-wierd portrayal of Wonka has led some to believe that he was modeling Wonka after accused child molester Michael Jackson. How can anyone possibly pick him over the wacky, but well-meaning Wonka portrayed by Wilder?

Lets compare the Oompa Loompas, while we are at it. The new film's Loompa's actually sing songs whose words were written by Dahl himself. The original book actually contained poems/songs when each of the children were carted off that spanned several pages. And I have to admit that the new Oompa Loompas (all played by Deep Roy) are certainly entertaining, especially the first time they dance for Augustus Gloop. But the original Loompas while not singing Dahl's original poems (the new ones only sing parts of the epic poems) are cultural icons. How many of us have seen people go to Halloween as these old school Oompa Loompas? I'm willing to bet that no one will ever go to a Halloween party dressed as one of the new Oompa Loompas.

Which leads me to my next point. If the new film were the first version of the book that had been made, there never would have been a remake. No one would even remember that the film existed. It is easily forgettable and seems as much a vehicle for Burton's and Depp's egos as an homage to the classic story. The original film is made timeless by the wonderful performance by Gene Wilder and the great Oscar-nominated soundtrack including such classics as "The Candy Man Can", "I've Got a Golden Ticket", and "Pure Imagination".



The only point I can concede to the new film is that it gets us to the chocolate factory much quicker than the original film. As a child watching the original film, the whole waiting to get into the factory part was excruciatingly long. And certainly today's generation of attention-starved kids would have left the theater in search of the latest Sponge Bob offering far before Charlie had actually found his own Golden Ticket. That said, now that I am older there are actually a large number of humorous scenes thrown in for adults in this pre-factory portion of the film. My personal favorite is the man with the computer that he has programmed to tell him where the remaining Golden Tickets are located. The computer refuses because, "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?". The angry programmer then suggests that he will tell the computer EXACTLY what it could do with a lifetime supply of chocolate. Great stuff.

Anyway, my older brother has purchased the DVD of the original film and is bringing it with him from Omaha this Christmas break so that we can have a true showdown of the films. He says that the comments from the now grown, but still very German Augustus are not to be missed.

McNostalgia

Last night at Institute our after class treat (funny how once you make it into the 25-30 year old class they start treating you like kindergarteners, not that I'm complaining) were some Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. And I mentioned to Julene that they reminded me of the old "Chocolatey Chip Cookies" that McDonalds used to sell along side their McDonaldland Cookies. Obviously they weren't as popular as the McDonaldland Cookies, I mean who could expect to compete with animal crackers in the shapes of our favorite McDonalds characters, but once I was older and started working there, it became clear right away that they clearly were the superior cookie. Basically they looked like Cookie Crisp cereal, which I've never eaten due to my mother's insistence that a bowl full of cookies couldn't possibly count as breakfast. She felt the same way about Chocolate Pop-Tarts, which of course led to me buying them my first summer away from home.

Back to McDonalds, though. The topic got us talking about how McDonalds used to have a whole cast of kid-friendly characters (more on this later) and how now you almost never even see Ronald. I mean who doesn't remember the Ronald McDonald Christmas time ice skating commerical where he picks up the girl who can't skate and they have a great time. Thats says Christmas to me almost as much as watching Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. Now the best McDonalds can muster is a campaign telling me how much they are "lovin' it". Apparently kids no longer get to choose the restaurant or else today's kids just aren't swayed by cartoony characters with ties to menu items.

Just for fun, I decided to see if I could find some pictures of the McDonalds cast of characters. Here's what I was able to dig up:

Ronald:



Birdie the Early Bird:



Grimace:


*Note: As I was searching for images I found out that Grimace apparently was supposed to somehow represent McDonalds shakes. Like maybe he is made of shake mix? Not sure.

Hamburgler:



Mayor McCheese:



The Fry Guys aka The Fry Kids:



The McNuggets Buddies:



Big Mac:



*Note: Does anyone remember the playground equipment that included a gigantic Bic Mac head where you could climb up and look out. There were holes in the top of the hat, and also you could crawl around inside the Big Mac part. It had a bunch of bars where you could look out? I think we always called it Mayor McCheese but its clear to me now that it was actually Big Mac, judging from his hat.

Another obscure character that seems vaguely familiar to me was this pirate, Captain Crook:



And if that wasn't enough, here's a nice group shot:



Looking at this group shot I'm realizing that some playgrounds actually had that tree you could climb on. The tree was also featured prominently in the McDonaldland cookies. Must have been some kind of talking tree. Also on the far left there's a guy in white looking kind of like Moses. Some of the sites spoke of a character called "The Professor" who I know nothing about. I'm guessing thats him.

Random Thoughts on the English Language #5

Many times someone trying to make a point will say something like "let me reiterate...". How come you never hear some say "let me iterate"? I mean besides a computer programmer. But seriously, can you re-iterate without first having iterated?

A stroll down Halloween nostalgia lane

Last night I went over to a friend's house for some chili and cornbread and some Halloween movies. Little did I suspect that the Halloween movies would be a couple of videotaped programs from the early 80s. First we watched "Witches Night Out", which I have always remembered, but never had any idea what the name was. Basically a witch is feeling washed up until on Halloween she changes some kids into "real monsters" not just lame costumes. Basically they become a real werewolf, ghost, and Frankenstein's monster and scare some people in town until the witch teaches them that Halloween is a day when we can all be something different just for one day. Then everyone gets transformed and has a great time. This used to be on every year. The animation is pretty low budget, but I always thought it was great and is has a great theme song ("Halloween! -- A witch with magic, Halloween!")

Then we watched "Disney's Halloween Treat", which was some kind of Halloween special including clips from lots of Disney cartoons and movies. Why is it impossible to see any of these great Disney cartoons on TV any more? Not even the Disney channel shows Disney cartoons. What a travesty. Sadly I had to leave before we got to the end which included the "Legend of Sleepy Hollow" cartoon, a great Halloween classic.

But perhaps even the best thing about the whole tape was the commercials. The tape was made in 1984 and had some real gems, including a commerical for a potty-training baby doll ("Bye Bye Diapers"), a commerical for the Castle Greyskull He-Man set, and an Activision commercial for Atari games featuring a young Phil Hartman getting super excited to play some video hockey.

Handi-crapped

Never let it be said that I'm afraid of being a little politically incorrect.

I was just thinking that while often we curse handicapped people for the fact that they get all the best parking spots, and often require the entire remodelling of old buildings to make them wheelchair accessible, we should always think first to thank them. In this case, thank them for handicapped stalls in the bathroom.

If not for those often luxurious bathroom stalls, some of us would have to get to used to being packed in there like cattle. Think about it. The average handicapped stall is what? two, three times the size of a regular stall. Sometimes it takes up the whole end wall of the bathroom. I love going in there to take care of business. You've got lots of room to take off any coats, jackets, backpacks you might be wearing, instead of having to awkwardly stradle the commode as you'd have to in a regulation stall. No being so close to the next person over that you have to hear every minor detail of their own travails, poor saps who for some reason got stuck in the tiny stall. They also have those hand rails which come in handy for draping your newspaper or any other reading material you've brought with you over. Some handicapped stalls even have their own sink included. Its as close as you can get to homestyle waste elimination on the road.

And in contrast with handicapped parking stalls, there's no restriction on us regular folk using them. If only there were a way to work out parking the same way. But until then, I'll continue to handle my public restroom business in the big stall on the end.

My milk keeps going bad before its time

Is it me, or does milk go bad faster these days? As I always have a hard time finishing the half-gallon of milk that I buy in any kind of rapid fashion, I tend to base my milk purchases on which half-gallon has the latest "best by" date.

About a year or so ago, milk prices really took a jump. And then the only time you could get cheap milk was when it was nearly expired and it was on sale. For example, one day they had gallons of milk on sale for like a dollar or so, but then when you checked the date, it was like two days away. So basically if you could drink it that day, it was worth it, otherwise no. Lots of milk had a short time to expiration, and it was hard for me to even convince myself it was worth buying it.

Then over time, the expiration dates seemed to get further away. The funny thing is that the last couple half-gallons that I've purchased, have gone bad well before the expiration date. Is the date just for milk that hasn't been opened yet? I threw out just under a quarter gallon the other day because it clearly was going bad, even though it was still a week to go til the expiration date.

Anyway, I sure hope that its just been a fluke and that the integrity of the "best by" date has not been damaged.

Dell-icious? Pt. 2

So I've had my laptop for just over a year now. At some point during that time, one of the little rubber feet that go on the bottom of the laptop fell off. Then more recently, like in the last month or so, two more of them have fallen off. I would attribute this probably to the heat emitted from the bottom of the laptop drying the adhesive that is on them and causing them to detach.

Anyway, the lack of 3 of the 5 rubber feet has led to my laptop sitting very wobbly on a flat surface. So I decided I'd call Dell and see if I could find some replacement feet for it. Thus began my ordeal.

First I called the general purpose service line (1-800-WWW-DELL) and found out that because my computer had been purchased through an employee purchasing plan, I would need to speak to someone at a different number that handled corporate accounts.

I called this number only to find that it was only available during regular office hours. When I finally got around to finding a time during regular work hours, today, I talked to someone who told me that they would be covered by my warranty, which I thought had expired a few months earlier. She transferred me to someone else who would help process my needs. This guy however, told me that in fact my warranty was expired and that I would have to pay for replacements myself. This was what I had expected anyway, so I was okay with that.

Anyway, he says he has to transfer me to spare parts. At each step along the way, I am transferred to a new phone mail system which requires me to listen intently and make choices based on what, in my situation, seem like pretty silly options (press 3 if you are having trouble with a wireless connector, press 4 if you have installed windows XP), and then do some waiting on hold. Finally I get to someone at spare parts and she tells me that yes, the rubber feet that I need are in stock, and that each one costs $4.95. $4.95 a piece for little tiny rubber feet!

Anyway, at this point, I still need them, so that I don't go nuts as my computer wobbles back and forth on my desk. So I say ok. All the while, she is trying to upsell me to buy some extra replacement feet, just in case, or an extra battery, etc. Do you travel a lot? etc. etc.

No, I say, I just want the replacement feet.

Ok. They're $4.95 a piece and shipping is $8.00.

$8.00! I say. For four little rubber feet that altogether surely weigh less than a pound?! You've got to be kidding me.

Well we do send it by UPS or FedEx.

I don't care. I don't need them rushed to my door.

Oh, and the kicker, expect 3 to 5 days delivery.

I think I could overnight four tiny rubber feet for less than $8.00.

Well that's our minimum shipping charge, that's why I'm trying to get you to buy a battery or something else to maximize your shipping cost, some garbage like that.

No, I don't want anything else. I just want 4 rubber feet. Can't you just put them in an envelope and mail them to me? They can't be damaged in shipping. I don't need them today.

Then she tries to get me to apply for their Dell preferred Customer Credit program. For $28! Just in case...in case of what? In case my credit card can't cover $28?

Madness.

Anyway, I just paid $28 total for four tiny rubber feet for my laptop that will ship by October 12th (a week from today) and after shipping will take 3-5 days to arrive. Amazing what you can buy for $8.00 worth of shipping. They better come in a box made of gold or something.

Random Thoughts on the English Language #4: Imply vs. Exply vs. 1-ply

So if something is "implied" that makes it "implicit", right? But if some is explicit, is that because it was "explied". And if some can have "implications", why have I never heard of "explications"? Has there every been a warning about "implicit lyrics" on a CD?

And speaking of plys, shouldn't there be a law requiring 1-ply bathroom tissue to explain clearly, "exply" even, that it is in fact not 2-ply? Things like fishhooks have warning that they are not to be ingested, but we can't get a useful warning about 1-ply toilet paper? C'mon America. I expect better of you.