In the Beginning...

Back in 1997, I went to college and got my first email address. This was a time when the internet was usually slow and email was something that had to be checked at the school (not that I had a computer at my apartment). With the advent of this new-fangled messaging communication came the infamous Forward. Honestly I don't know how people got their humor before the internet existed. Letterman pretty much had the corner on Top Ten lists, and even Jay Leno might share a joke that you hadn't heard before.

In this time of ASCII-art and non-web-based email, a friend of mine sent me a forward that truly has withstood the test of time, and today I would like to share it with you. I try to be very judicious in the things I forward on to others, but this is one that I would never be ashamed to pass on. My only guess as to its origins are the name at the bottom, but even then I can't be sure that that person was the original creator.

Warning: this forward falls into the category of "Bathroom Humor", but in a very literal sense. Also, its mainly for the guys, but I think that girls may find it humorous as well. Without further ado:

**********************************************

Okay this is pretty funny especially for men.  Ladies,
I hope you can
appreciate this!


The following is the urinal configuration in a sample
men's room.
An X above the number will indicate "in use."

(Sample):

| - | - | x | - | - | x |     (Indicates that urinals 3 and 6
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |     are occupied.)
-------------------------

You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at
which stall you are to correctly stand.  Good luck!

--------------------
  Easy Section
--------------------
1.)

| - | x | - | x | - | - |     (Urinals 2 and 4 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice: ___
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Correct answer: 6        It's the ONLY one to go to and every
                        guy instinctively knows this.
===============================================
2.)

| x | - | - | - | - | - |    (Urinal 1 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice:  ___
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Correct answer: 6        Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a
                        greater risk of being next to someone
                        who arrives later.
===============================================
-------------------------
Kind of tricky Section:
-------------------------
3.)

| - | - | - | - | - | - |   (empty)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
--------------------------

Your choice:  __
-----------------------------------------------------
-----------
Correct answer:  1 or 6    You are tacitly saying,
                          "I don't want anyone next to me."
===============================================
4.)

 | - | x | - | x | - | x |       (2, 4 and 6 occupied)
 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
 -------------------------

Your choice:  ___
------------------------------------------------------
-----------
Correct answer:  1        You're stuck being next to at
                         least ONE guy, so you minimize the
                         impact and get a wall on your left.
                         NEVER go between TWO guys if you
                         can help it.  Exceptions to this
                         are stadium restrooms where the
                         herd thunders in.
===============================================
-----------------------------------------------
Subtle, tricky, but important to know Section
-----------------------------------------------
5.)

| - | x | - | - | x | x |          (2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice:  __
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Correct answer:  4       Believe it or not,  1 and 3 "couples"
                        you with the guy in stall 2. And we
                        wouldn't want THAT now, would we?

                        This differs from question 4 in such a
                        subtle way that the nuances cannot be
                        explained.  Suffice to say, only we men
                        would understand!
===============================================
-----------------------------
VERY tricky indeed Section
-----------------------------
6.)

| x | x | - | - | x | x |          (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice:  ___
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Correct answer:  NONE!  You go to the mirror and pretend to
                       comb your hair or straighten a tie
                       until the urinals "open up" a bit more.
                       If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for
                       goodness sake! . use a doored stall.
===============================================
Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
-- NO Talking, unless it's a good friend. but even then, keep
   it terse and unemotional.  This ain't no clubhouse.
-- I don't think I need to tell you, absolutely NO touching of
   anyone other than yourself.  A touch of another's elbow is of
   the highest offense.
-- NO Singing.  Period.
-- Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only."Yeah, I see
   you there.  I will not look again".

- ------- End of Forwarded Message- ---
Caffeine Boy
caffeine@iastate.edu

------- End of Forwarded Message

------- End of Forwarded Message---
                             Chad D. Navrude
                          Iowa State University

------- End of Forwarded Message

********************************************************

I think that too often today's forwards rely on people doing some stupid and having it either reported in the news, or captured in a photo, or on video. That or some silly flash animation of a baby singing and/or dancing. If only we had more like the urinal quiz. C'mon America. We can do better.