In the process of moving this last week, I was reminded that tucked away in my desk I happened to have a $100 bill and a $50 bill. The $100 was from a time that my roommate hadn't paid me his share of the utilities for a while and paid me with that. The $50 was Christmas money that I couldn't think of what to buy with.
Anyway, just finding that money was really exciting. In fact, I'm now wondering if it was so exciting that its actually worth more than anything I could buy with that money. If I put it in the bank, its gone. Its just numbers in my check register that go up or down when I pay bills and deposit my stipend check. But as $150 cash, they are the potential for any number of things. If I buy something with that money, then that money is gone.
I'm not sure exactly why I feel the way about this money that I do. Is it because $100 seems like a lot of money to spend when its in actual cash? Is it because I have enough money to buy the things I need and enough of the things I want that I don't actually need to spend it? Is it a sign of a deeper fear of commitment?
Oh, and in case you are thinking of breaking into my house and rummaging through my desk trying to find this loose cash -- #1, its not in my desk any more, and #2 -- why would you look for a $100 bill in a desk that has a 19" LCD monitor and a $200 digital camera on it?