Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Some advice for the ladies

A day or two ago, I had a nice chat with a good friend of mine who has become active in the church recently (over the course of the last two or three years) and he said to me, "Ever since I started dating Mormon girls, things have just been way harder. Sometimes I think they are interested in me, so I ask them out and then make up excuses or dog me out or whatever."

So on to the advice for the ladies: We're grown up. We can take it if you aren't interested. Just let us know. Once we've made it obvious that we are interested, just let us know whether you are or not, so that we can both get on with our lives if the interest isn't mutual. Let's not waste 4 months on "Does she like me?" Don't suggest that maybe you'll change your mind, or maybe you were just busy that one time. Be clear. And by obvious and clear, we mean OB-VI-OUS and C-L-E-A-R. Like obvious enough that a guy could actually realize. Not in some obscure, "I didn't laugh at his jokes as loud as before" kind of way.

And don't give psycho guys ideas by finally giving into some guy who's been hounding you for years. The persistance theory has proven effective too many times because girls just think that no one else is interested. And if you don't know about the persistance theory, I'll spell it out tomorrow.


Adam said...

I'm gonna clear this up even one more notch for the ladies. When we want you to be clear, we don't want any kind of subtlety.

Tell us in these words: "I like you, but not in a romantic way."

Follow up with this if necessary: "My feelings for you will not change to romantic feelings."

If you think that we guys get the hint when you said you are "busy that night", you are wrong.

I once was the recipient of a pity date (before my mission, when I was very naive). Problem was, I couldn't tell that it was a pity date. When I tried to get a follow up date, it amazed me how current she was on her movies and plays. She had seen EVERY SINGLE MOVIE that was in the theaters at that time. It was probably another month before I figured it out. How pathetic is that?

Sorry for blogging in your comments J. I have my own blog for this very purpose, but in the heat of the moment, I lost control.

j said...

No problemo. I'm just glad to know that someone out there is reading and relating.

Geobadger said...

Why not just "not stress it". If she gives excuses, move to something else for a while and come back to her later. This makes yourself more attractive (ie have something else to be occupied with) and leaves the door open for some warming up to you which is somehow a necessity for most females. I would guess the biggest reason offered against this strategy is that you have nothing else to move on to. Well pretend to move on to something else then for a while. I'm sort of shooting from the hip here so I don't have a great response except maybe at least pretending to have something else. It seems as though it would still accomplish the purpose.

Ashley said...

Be painfully aware that guys do this so very much, too! They lead us (me) on. Not because I am too dumb to realize they are not interested, but because they'd rather feign interest than be grown up about it. Maybe it's a human thing---not a girl thing.

j said...


I think that it does work both ways. Us guys are not exempt from not being clear, or being mature enough to let someone know when we aren't interested.

I think, though, that since the guy is generally the one that does the asking out, you would hope that a guy that isn't interested wouldn't keep asking a girl out. (I'm sure there are some guys who don't fit that pattern)

As a guy, you don't get any obvious sign like the girl asking you out. You have to try to read their reactions. Which for us can be difficult.