How Long is 5 Years? Part III: The Roomies

Just when you think that 5 years has flown by, try to think back through all the different roommates you've had and how long its been since you've even heard anything about some of them much less seen them or heard from them.

When I first got home from the mission, I moved in with three total strangers who also happened to all be at least 6 years old than I was. In fact, I am still not the age that any of them were at the time, despite it now being 5 years later. Thats actually a relief to realize. First, there was Burke, who happened to have his dirtbike parked in the living room and had a computer desk that effectively filled another third of the room. He also wouldn't tell any of the rest of us where our reserved parking spot was, and was also like the dad of the place. He paid all the bills and then we just paid him back. Needless to say he moved out a month later and I haven't seen the guy more than once since then. Don't even remember his last name. I want to say Shields, but maybe that just because Burke Shields has a familiar ring to it.

Along with Burke there was Jason S., resident yellow personality who got me my first date by putting my arm around this weird girl at church who then proceeded to ask me out, dutch no less, to the UofU Homecoming dance. When I think I've been on a bad date I just remember that one. Jason was a lot of fun, though, and lived with us for the next year. He will forever be 18 years old at heart. He's living back in Salt Lake now after moving out to West Valley and then up to Logan to get his Masters.

The other of my inaugural set of post-mission roomies was Dustin, whose bizareness may never be topped in someone with such a good heart. We all have our talents and one of his was making members of the opposite sex uncomfortable. Another was buying random stuff for exorbitant prices (Rainbow Vacuum anyone?). Yet another was his penchant for small house pets (snakes, iguana, chameleon, sugar glider, parrot) that never quite seem to reach "part of the family status". And he will forever be remember for what me and Troy call "Dustin's thing" which was a small plastic aquarium with some European coins in the bottom, and some pillars coming up out of the coins. One pillar had a small pewter(?) wizard on it and the other had a dragon. On the outside of the aquarium there was a switch that you could flip that would make electric current jump from the wizard's wand to the dragon. Not one girl could make it into our apartment for the first time without getting a demonstration of "Dustin's thing". And yet, of the 4 of us living there, he is the only one now married.

When Burke moved out, Troy moved in, and we've been roommates ever since then, although that time will be coming to an end at the end of August. My relationship with Troy has always reminded me a lot of my relationship with my older brother. We don't talk about things like who were dating or what we are thinking about life and philosophical things. We just hang out and have some of the same interests. We get along really well with only a few minor not-so-happy times, one involving him throwing my pants on the floor.

After living with Jason, Dustin, and Troy for a year, Jason left and his spot became the revolving door spot in our apartment for the next 18 months or so of our time at Foothill Place. Our first replacement was Kent, a hilarious guy who always made the wrong first impression since he was about 6' 3", had shoulder length hair, and an ability to grow facial hair that would make Bigfoot feel girlish. One of his best qualities was that when he was avoiding homework, he would clean house. My favorite memory of Kent, though, would have to be his monologue on all of his failed relationships that he shared with my girlfriend and me. The monologue ended perfectly with his yelling "I need a wife" from the kitchen because he had just managed to set the plastic handle of a coffee mug on fire, by putting the mug in the microwave. Good old Moyle. Last I'd heard from him he'd cut his hair and got called as Elder's Quorum President. Maybe I need to grow my hair out.

After Moyle moved out, he was replaced by a guy named Lee who delivered pizzas for The Pie and whom I could tell if he was asleep in our room simply by opening the door enough for me to get a whiff of his pizza-y odor. Most memorable for just sitting silently watching TV for most of the first week we knew him, and because our neighbors used to crank call asking for him and I would pretend to do the Lee voice.

After Lee moved down to Utah County, because "there are more hot girls there", he was replaced by Zack, a man whose passion for boating was tempered only by the fact that the boat he built himself kept breaking down. He has since moved on to Prosthetics and Orthotics school and is now making bank, has bought his own boat (RIP 10 Cow Pull), and gotten hitched.

Zack was just in town for the summer and he was replaced by Jason G., a drummer who failed to mention that key fact when he came to see the place and afterwards set them up against our wishes and from time to time would have people over to jam in our living room. Not a great idea in an apartment building, unless you happen to have your own TV show and rehearsal space on the roof (Anyone remember "The Heights"?). The lowlight of Jason's time was when I told him I was interested in a girl and he proceeded to ask her out. The highlight was the whole "Lando? Lando? Lando!!!!!!!!!" moment inspired by the Kenny Rogers Roasters episode of Seinfeld.

Jason was the first of the replacements to stick around for a while, as Dustin proceeded to move out to his own place and get some bigger parrots. Once Dustin was gone, he was replaced by Christian, or C-Lo as he has come to be know since then. Cristian was kind of unmotivated and never had a job in the three months or so that he was our roommate. He played a lot of Playstation and hung with Jason mostly. His dad drove a truck for Wonder Hostess and so whenever he would visit we'd get hooked up with mad Twinkies, etc.

At this point, our lease was ending and Troy and I decided to move out to a house with some of our friends from the ward. It was sad leaving Foothill, but pretty much everyone else had already left as well, so it wasn't that sad, or rather things would have been sad even if we'd stayed.

We moved to the house with a total of 7 guys, one of whom (Marlon) was engaged already, so we knew we'd shortly be down to 6. There was Troy and I, Marlon, Ben, Ray, Jeremy, and Tyler. I have to say it was a lot of fun and I think that we'll all be pretty good friends.

I would have to say that I probably will remember my times with Ben and Ray most from living in the house. Ben, because we had a lot of time in the house together when everyone else was working while we were between jobs. Lots of breakfasts at the Coachmans. Especially because there was a time when I thought Ben was a major league punk. And he still has his moments :), but I now consider him a good friend, someone I could talk to, and someone who is sincerely interested in what is up with me. He's gone active duty in the Army now and will be shipping out to Iraq before too long, currently scheduled to go in November. I have nothing but the utmost of respect for him and the rest of our Armed Forces and their willingness to put their lives on the line for our country in a way that no other occupation requires. I don't care what you say about the reasons they are out there, the fact remains they are out there and most of us aren't and aren't willing to be.

As for Ray, we just had a lot of fun times. He was the youngest and certainly the most fun to hang out with. We made a snowman once. Good times all around.

After a year there, we had to move from the house. Ben had already left for the army and Ray was engaged to be married in a month or so. So it was Troy, Jeremy, Tyler, Ray and I moving to Turnberry where I've lived since then. Ray got married and Tyler subsequently got engaged and married at which point Chris moved in with us.

I've had a great year living with Chris and really enjoy talking with him about all kinds of topics. He's taught me how to get the most of the internet and has actually influenced me so much that I can actually watch golf w/o throwing up in my mouth. Thanks, Chris.

As for the current state of roommate affairs, we'll all be leaving this apartment at the end of August. Troy and Jeremy are moving in with Ryan in Sandy, Chris is leaving for University of Chicago Law School and I will be moving to a town house apartment here in Turnberry with Rob and his roommate, Mac (MacKay). For the first time, I'll be the shortest one. That should prove interesting methinks. And for the not-first time I'll be the youngest one.