Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #5: Orange Chicken at Panda Express

I'm finally getting this up at 7 on a Friday night. (Don't worry, I have plans at 8, I'm not home blogging away my sadness).

This week's Fast Food Fav comes to you courtesy of Panda Express. A restaurant that I frequent from time to time. Its not very close to home but on occasion I'll stop on the way home from school. Anyway, as you may or may not know, they have a fairly wide selection of entrees. The problem is that so far I've yet to find anything that compares with the Orange Chicken or even comes close.



So its kind of a double edged sword. I LOVE the orange chicken, but am not really excited about anything else on the menu. So I can't really go there frequently and just eat the same meal over and over again. You would think they could come up with something else as good as that. In fact they've had some entrees I like pretty well that have disappeared off the menu (sweet and sour chicken, beef and potato).

But the orange chicken can stand alone as their signature item, and maybe someone will get suckered into ordering the Beef and Mushrooms (which is really the Mushrooms and Vegetables and a tiny bit of Beef).

The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! aka Asking a Girl on a Date

Can I just say that even now at age 27, dating is not an easy thing. Calling a girl and asking her out on a date, even when she, to date, has not fled, screaming, away from my prescence. From the very first time I asked a girl out down to the very last, there always is a feeling of almost crippling terror that seizes me as I make the phone call to ask a girl out. Why? I don't know. But whenever I make that call its like what I imagine jumping out of an airplane must be like. Once you've dialed the number there's pretty much no turning back, and yet you really aren't sure whats going to happen when they pick up on the other end.

Given that, the relief/elation/amazement that I get when she says that yes, she'd be willing to go to a restaurant with me and eat some food, is pretty much uncomparable as well. There's just something about asking someone out on a date that makes me feel so completely vulnerable that it feels like walking a tight rope. Even after having successfully completed numerous such calls.

So girls, if there are any girls who haven't already gotten bored by my descriptions of fast food and obscure presidents, please be nice when a guy calls to ask you out. If you don't want to go out, try to make it clear so he doesn't have to get shot down repeatedly. If you do want to go out, but can't at that day/time, say you'd like to go out another time. If you want to and can go out, let him know you are excited. Just some tips for helping us date, since its clear that you think we should.

President Who?

I received an invitation this past weekend to a President's Day party where it was suggested that one dress as his/her favorite president/first lady. This got me thinking, obviously you might see a lot of Abe Lincolns and George Washingtons, along with some of the more recent presidents (Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush), but wouldn't it be much cooler to go as one of the more obscure presidents, like Rutherford B. Hayes or Chester A. Arthur. I didn't go to that party (had a better option come up), but I did wear a nametag at our mingle yesterday after church that said Rutherford B. Hayes.

Then just today, I was thinking, "I bet there are some other presidents that I haven't even thought of in years." I just looked and I was right. I haven't seen the names of some of these guys since 5th grade. Here's a list of the ones I had completely forgotten were at one point in charge of our great nation (and I'm only listing the ones that came as a complete surprise):

William Henry Harrison (only president during 1841)

Update: I'd heard this story before, but had forgotten which president it was about. William Henry Harrison (Tippecanoe of Tippecanoe and Tyler too fame) gave a long-winded inaugural address in the midst of inclement weather, caught pneumonia and died a month later, making his tenure the shortest in American history. Tyler happened to be his VP and became the president one month into his vice-presidency.

John Tyler (of Tippecanoe and Tyler too fame)
Franklin Pierce
Benjamin Harrison (seems like he is related to the other Harrison, but I am still not certain I ever knew of a president Benjamin Harrison)

So, I guess there were just 4 that I felt caught me complete off guard, but that's approximately 10% of our presidents that I didn't even know existed, much less what they contributed to our country. A few other less-obscure, yet still-obscure to me include Zachary Taylor, James Garfield, and Warren Harding. I'm sure at the time they felt like what they did would have a lasting impact on American history and maybe it did, but sadly their names have not received the fame that others have.

Disclaimer: History is by far my worst subject, not that I ever got less than an A, just never took any real history classes, but that's a topic for another day. So, if you are offended that I've labeled one of your favorites as obscure, feel free to enlighten me on his contributions.

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #4: Taco Bell's Zesty Chicken Border Bowl

I realize its Saturday afternoon as I post this, but please forgive me. I returned home around 5 yesterday and had so much catching up to do that I really felt more like being a content consumer than a content producer. I have posted some photos to Flickr (many more still to come), so feel free to peruse those.

Without further ado, I give you this week's Fast Food Favorite: The Zesty Chicken Border Bowl from Taco Bell.



I know this picture is small, but the bowl itself is quite filling. Its got a base layer of refried beans and rice, topped with lettuce, tomato, cheese, crunchy tortilla strips, sliced grilled chicken, and a zesty ranch/salsa dressing that really seals the deal for me.

This is a menu item that you can count on to fill you up. I used to think I needed some kind of side to go with it if I was hungry, but I would always find out that I was pretty stuffed after just the chicken bowl. But then you feel obligated to power through the rest, since you did just buy it after all, and heaven knows it ain't keepin in the fridge.

As a corollary to this item, I'd like to mention the 2 vital rules for Taco Bell dining.

#1: Never eat the ground beef.
#1a: Especially never eat the ground beef after midnight.

Trust me on those.

Quick Note: San Diego has awesome weather.

Is it really winter right now? Its an overcast day and it made me almost wish for a jacket. Almost. Anyway, I hope to have some nice pix to share with you all coming soon. I get back Friday afternoon, and may need some recovery time, but probably by Monday I'll have some stuff up to share. Tonight, we are going to see an ABBA cover band play on a retired aircraft carrier. Honest.

Oh, but I will try to still get a fast food fav up on Friday, since I know how you all love them so much.

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #3: Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger

This week's fast food favorite is no other than the king of late night fast food runs, thats right, Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger.



Currently the star of an advertising campaign focusing on its price of $0.99. And I have never been so grateful for a national advertising campaign. Allow me to explain. For years, the 99 cent Jr. Bacon Cheese was a staple of young college aged men. Available until 2:00 am in most locations, for a mere 99 pennies, you got a bun with a decent-sized beef patty, lettuce, tomato, bacon, cheese, and mayo. Two of these and even my appetite can be sated.

Sadly, perhaps 6 months ago or so, all the Wendy's near me upped the price to a whopping $1.39. Not that this price is outrageous, but its nearly a 50% increase. This price change basically drove me away from Wendy's. Well that and the way they changed the chicken sandwiches a couple years ago.

Anyway, thanks to the national campaign with the Jr. Bacon Cheese at the center, all the stores near me have been forced to drop the price back to its original $0.99 (how come there isn't a cent sign on my keyboard?). Oh, happy day.

BTW, I'm leaving for San Diego tomorrow for a week (projected high of 75 tomorrow). Peace out suckas!

(Day After) Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #2: Einstein Bros.' Turkey Sausage and Chedder Egg Sandwich

I can't believe I let a Friday go by without providing another Fast Food Fav. I mean I've been doing this for a whole 1 Friday and already slacking. Maybe we'll just attribute that to the fact I had a date yesterday.

Anyway, without further ado, I give to you: The Breakfast of Champions (assuming that my two GMS Geography Bee titles are enough to qualify me as "champions"): The Einstein Bros Turkey Sausage and Chedder Frittata Egg Sandwich, on choice of bagels, my choice generally being Asiago.

Now, you would be surprised how hard it is to get pictures of fast food menu items on the web. I guess I'll have to take my camera with me next time to get an actual image of the sandwich, but in the meantime, you can gaze upon the Einstein Bros logo.



Anyway, up until this past October I had never been to Einsteins, and had only on occassion even eaten their bagels, usually in some kind of morning school meeting. But, on a fateful Saturday in October, my good friend Scott was coming with his wife to pick me up to go to the airport to fly to DC for a conference. They had stopped at Einstein's and asked me if I wanted something. I said sure and they listed for me a variety of breakfast sandwiches. I settled on the Thick Hickory Bacon and Cheddar (or something like that). Needless to say I was blown away with the quality and have since made Einsteins a frequent breakfast spot. I soon switched from the Bacon sandwich to the Sausage one. Mmm, turkey sausage.

Just the right amount of spicyness, and if I just drink water instead of lemonade its about as cheap as a McDonalds breakfast, but without the subsequent indigestion. Not sure if thats because they don't have greasy hashbrowns to go with, but whatever it is, it keeps me coming back. I'm almost done with my 2nd frequent diner card (8 punches per card) which I actually didn't even have until I'd been going for a while. And I can use the free one on a lunch sandwich which is actually worth about $2.00 more than a breakfast sandwich, so thats a little hidden bonus.

Einsteins, I thank you.

Random Thoughts on the English Language #7

Oftentimes you hear of there being a "whole slew" of something. Yet you never hear of "half a slew" or "two slews".

Friday's Featured Fast Food Favorite #1: Arby's Chicken Bacon 'n Swiss

We all have things that we are passionate about: politics, religion, sports, etc. I for one am passionate about fast food. Thats why I've decided to try to do a weekly post highlighting one of the wonderous fast food items that makes my life extra special. I realize that fast food is not the healthiest of foods and has led to several films and books being created to ensure that we are aware of that fact. So please don't try to warn me. I've been warned. And I'm actually doing much better lately at shopping and then eating the food that I buy at the store.

Anyway, this week I thought I'd start with one of my staples: Arby's Chicken Bacon 'n Swiss sandwich.


You really can't go wrong with this one. Crisp peppered bacon. Fried chicken breast. Sesame seed bun. Swiss Cheese. And some sauce that I think is Honey Mustard. Add a dash of Arby's Sauce and you are in heaven.

Over the years Arby's has had a vast array of chicken sandwiches available, including my all-time favorite, the no longer offered Western Chicken Bacon Ranch, and several other that featured sliced roasted chicken, which I find to be more enjoyable than the fried chicken. But given that none of the Arby's I am familiar with are currently offering sliced roasted chicken, the Chicken Bacon 'n Swiss is definitely a great choice. If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it.

Random Thoughts on the English Language #6

You always hear about people with low self-esteem. Is there another kind of esteem? Like peer-esteem? You're suffering from low peer-esteem.

Something I'd buy if I could find one

I've been thinking of something I'd like to buy, but don't know if it even exists and if so where to find one, but here's my idea. If its not out there and someone wants to invent it, just give me the credit.

I want a device that lets me transfer data between electronic storage devices that is much less bulkly than my laptop. Let me explain. I, like most people these days, have a digital camera. When I go on vacation, I take pictures with it. But unlike a film camera, once you have used up all your memory, buying another memory card isn't quite as cheap as buying another roll of film. Granted you can take many more photos than you could with a roll of film, and you can delete the ones you don't like (although with my camera, I have been unable to delete pictures off my memory card without clearing the whole card). But once the card is full, its full. If you want to take more pictures you have to upload the pictures to a computer and clear your memory card to start taking more pictures. My solution to this dilemma is to take my iPod with me on vacation (as if I wouldn't already take it with me) and use its hard drive to store my pictures once I've filled a memory card. A USB Flash memory drive would also fill that role. But in order to accomplish this feat I need a computer to act as the middleman. If I'm staying with friends I'll just use their computer, but if I'm travelling solo, I generally have to take my laptop with me to be sure I'll have a way to do it.

It seems as though there ought to be a way to create a simple device that allows you to connect to electronic devices and transfer data between them. I mean you'd need a couple USB ports, maybe a firewire port, and some kind of OS that can recognize the devices, and perhaps an LCD display to give the user a little bit of control over what happens, but really thats about it. Obviously there would be options for expanded versions of this idea. For example, add a CD drive that would let you rip songs and send them to your iPod. In order to have an mp3 player, you pretty much need to have a computer as its home base. Why should you need a computer that costs $1000 to put music on your $100 mp3 player? I realize most people already have a computer, but still.

If anyone out there knows of a device like this, please let me know. If not, please invent one and give me a freebie, as you'll soon be raking in the dough with this lucrative idea that I am offering you.

Jake Needs...

So one of the blogs that I keep on list of ones I check daily had a post recently entitled "Claire Needs" and then showed how much fun it is to go to Google and type "Jake needs" or whatever your name might be and then look at the phrases that come up. Let me just say it was a lot of fun to see what the world at large thinks that I need. :)

Here's some of the top results that I found:

(Results in orange. My comments in blue.)

Jake needs to make changes -- someone's obviously been paying attention

Jake needs financial backing -- not sure for what, but I wouldn't say no

Jake needs a vacation -- its sad that I need one this shortly after returning from 3 weeks off, but luckily Martin Luther King, Jr. day is just around the corner.

Jake needs someone who can show him love, spoil him, hug him, kiss him, and show him life can be all that -- would be scary in its accuracy were it not part of a pet adoption ad

Jake needs someone to love him -- ibid

Jake needs to jack it up -- actually I tend to have no problem jacking things up

Jake needs more backstory -- you mean the thrilling story of how I won the Grantsville Middle School Geography Bee in back-to-back years isn't enough to hold your attention?

Jake needs a yard -- if only to have a place to put up the American flag kit that my parents gave me for Christmas

Jake needs 2 pints of milk for a cake -- and of course the motivation to cook

Jake needs three pegs to win the game -- if I can get down to one peg, I hear I can get into Mensa

Jake needs help -- in so many ways

Jake needs a wake-up call -- I prefer breakfast in bed, but I guess this would be okay

Jake needs to realize that he's an amateur at this media thing -- just when I had more than one reader of my blog

Jake needs some fast money -- its for my fast offering

Jake needs to spread delivery over four months -- I always forget to manage expectations

Jake needs to make some vital changes in key areas -- if only I knew which areas and which changes

Jake needs to know the URL patterns in order to make a link -- I actually can do this pretty well on my own

Jake needs Joey for moral support -- is it still on Thursday nights?

Jake needs $100 -- in addition to the fast money and financial backing mentioned earlier, a crisp Benjamin would be nice.

Jake needs a cyber > date -- I do not! (I mean the thought has crossed my mind, but still...)

Jake needs a quiet home to go to so he can relax and stretch his little cat legs -- they get so tired after all the ball of yarn chasing

Jake needs a hairstyle -- I think thats debatable

Jake needs us, but he also needs someone else -- and thats why I'm still looking

If you made it this far, I commend you, and suggest you do the same if you are looking for some cheap laughs. Feel free to stick in the name of someone else once you get tired.

Arrrrr You Kidding Me? Sullying the Name of the Gaucho in an Attempt to Disguise Pirate Pants

I realize its been a long time since I blogged anything, but first I was on vacation and second I couldn't really find a topic that spoke to me. Anyway, this past weekend, I was downtown at the Gateway waiting for a table at one of the fine dining establishments to be found there, and since there were girls with us, we had to go shopping.

We stopped in to Express which happens to sell fancy clothes, sometimes even to men I gather from the fact that the big sale sign in the window said "Women's Clothing only". Strangely the store only seemed to sell women's clothing so I didn't quite see the need for that disclaimer. But I digress. While we were there waiting for the girls to try on some of the latest and greatest fashions, my roommate and I began a conversation about one of these latest trends in the world of high women's fashion. No, I don't mean the re-emergence of sequins, we'll save that tirade for another day. I speak of the "the gaucho pant" aka "the pirate pant" aka "the garbacho pant" as my roommate likes to call them.

On the off chance that you have not seem this trend in action, here are some images I culled from the internet (my apologies for the fact that as far as can be seen here the pants are to be worn without any shirt. My personal experience is that I've always seen them worn with a shirt) :







Ok, so that last one wasn't actually filed under "gaucho pants" but I think I make my point, which is: why would a girl want to a) wear pirate pants, and b) wear them with high heels instead of the traditional high, large-cuffed, buckle-sporting boots? They seem to be some kind of dressy capri pant or as I like to think: coulats' (sp?) ugly cousin.

At first I found the trend mildly amusing, just another example of how some women will wear anything if they think its "in-style". That was until I found out that these pirate pants were masquerading under the name "gaucho pants". As a former resident (or I guess legally my status was extended tourist) of Argentina, I personally have met gauchos and would like to let the fashion world know that gauchos in fact wear no such pants. Gauchos are the Argentine equivalent of cowboys, ranchers, cattlemen, etc. They wear traditional pants called "bombachas" which apparently (or so my Google search would indicate) is also a name for women's undergarments. These true gaucho pants are just baggy trousers, usually having multiple pleats to create the bagginess, and often having a button closure at the bottom of each leg. I didn't discuss fashion much with these gauchos, so I can't definitively give the purpose of the buttoned leg, but my guess is that it allows for the pants to be worn easily over boots.

In any case, I found some pictures of gauchos online and was able to even find website offering to sell me bombachas. If they were smart they'd label them as "gaucho pants" and try to cash in on the recent trend. Without further ado, I give you real Gaucho pants, as worn by actual gauchos:








I guess this last photo might give a hint as to why they are called gaucho pants, but I think its fairly clear that this gaucho has pants that are actually quite long and are not actually cut off right at the top of his boots.

Just wanted to stand up for the gauchos, as I doubt very few of them have internet connections and even fewer of them have blogs with a super high readership (unlike mine of course).

Musical Favorites from 2005

First off, let me say that I wrapped up this semester with my committee meeting on Thursday and I feel as though a burden has been lifted. Nice to have some things squared away.

Anyway, I've always thought you could learn a lot about a person simply by knowing what kind of music they listen to and proclaim to like. So in the spirit of sharing more about myself, I thought I'd share with you my playlist of favorite songs from 2005. Now certainly I've forgotten some of them, but I looked through my iTunes at songs dated 2005 and maybe a couple cheats that actually were released late in 2004. And I'm not sure the list is complete, so feel free to make recommendations for songs that you've enjoyed from this year and if they happen to have been songs I liked I'll add them to the list. If not, there's nothing wrong with you, it just wouldn't be my list if it had songs I didn't like on it. Your opinion will be noted and shown in the comments section.

The other limitation to this list is that it excludes songs that I've discovered this year that weren't released this year, but sometimes in life you just have to draw a line. Maybe we can address that in another blog post.

Without further ado, I give to you
Jake's Favorite Songs of 2005
(ordered alphabetically by artist)

1) Disco Inferno - 50 Cent
This song actually made me go buy the album, edited of course.

2) Outta Control (Remix) - 50 Cent ft. Mobb Deep
This song almost made me buy the special edition version of the album. Love the piano.

3) Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy - Big & Rich
Good fun. Doesn't really sound like country to me, but I'd have to listen to country radio to hear it.

4) Don't Lie - Black Eyed Peas
Hard to believe this is the same group that gave us "Milky milky cocoa puff" on the same album. Somethings not right about that.

5) Listen to Your Heart (Techno Version) - DHT
I can't think of anything to say about this one.

6) Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy
This song was able to withstand me listening to it about 1,000 times the first week that I downloaded it. Still holds up. Not as sold on the rest of their stuff, sadly. They do have great song titles (Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends, for example)

7) Hate It or Love It - The Game ft. 50 Cent
Chillin'. The remix is also good, but if I have to choose one, I choose the original.

8) How We Do - The Game ft. 50 Cent
I take issues with a few lines, but the part when The Game gives us the eagle scream is just too much fun. Great beat, too.

9) Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
Lots of fun to laugh along like a deranged maniac.

10) Holiday - Green Day
Great guitar. Don't take this as an endorsement of their anti-Bush bent.

11) Diamonds from Sierra Leone - Kanye West
Other than 50, Kanye was the only one really putting out hip-hop that I could really enjoy this year.

12) Gold Digger - Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx
One of my most favorite songs of the year. Great idea having Jamie Foxx reprise his role as Ray Charles in a song. Haven't seen that before. Great lyrics, great everything.

13) Diamonds from Sierra Leone (Remix) - Kanye West ft. Jay-Z
The rare remix that is basically a brand new song just with the same beat. I doubt this one gets played on the air much, but it actually has more to say about conflict diamonds than the original version of the song, plus I have to love me some Jigga.

14) Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
15) Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson
Two songs that grew on me this year. Still don't regret passing up seeing Kelly at the U for the 4th. But good songs nonetheless. Plus Kelly's a little hottie. Am I right fellas?

16) Smile Like You Mean It - Killers
People are still shocked when I tell them that some of the members of this band are Mormon (including the lead singer, I believe)

17) You and Me - Lifehouse
A song I could probably listen to on repeat for a long, long time. Makes me hurt inside if I'm feeling down about being single.

18) Shake It Off (Remix) - Mariah Carey ft. Jay-Z and Young Jeezy
I really can't understand Mariah's career transformation. But at least she has the sense to get Jay-Z to do a remix. Or someone does. That would be giving Mariah Ca-razy way too much credit.

19) Home - Michael Buble
Sat through the credits of "The Wedding Date" listening to this song. Strange evening where I ended up at a movie with about 15 girls. Debra Messing is hot. Except sometimes she looks too bony. I don't see how another 10 pounds wouldn't make her the next Jennifer Aniston.

20) Lose Control - Missy Elliot ft. Ciara and Fat Man Scoop
I like that Missy Elliot always seems to be doing something new. Not that it always works, but at least you can count on it being interesting.

21) Scars - Papa Roach
I'm happy to see Papa Roach have at least a 2nd great song. "Last Resort" may have my favorite all time guitar line.

22) Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls ft. Busta Rhymes
Every girl who's offered her opinion on this song seems to love it. Something about the idea of a guy checking you out even though he's with his girlfriend must be the pinnacle of cattiness for women.

23) Swing Life Away - Rise Against
Another of my most favoritest. Heard it on the radio one day and had to hunt it down by googling the lyrics. I have to be honest, I'm super suprised I haven't heard this song get played more (although I don't always hear the radio a lot). Its my #1 recommendation for people to check out if they get the chance. Short but great.

24) Beverly Hills - Weezer
"Take my picture by the pool cuz I'm the next big thing". 'Nuff said.

25) Switch - Will Smith
Not my favorite Will Smith song, but I've made promoting ol' Will a lifetime pursuit. How many people do you know who own all of his albums? I kind of wish that he'd accept the fact that he's not a gangster and quit trying to convince the hip-hop community that he deserves their attention. He's so much better when he's just having a good time.

Hope you've enjoyed this music year in review post. If you made it this far and didn't enjoy it, you probably should have just stopped reading a while ago.

I'll be leaving for my parents on Monday night, and after Christmas heading to California for New Years, so I'll probably be taking a break from my full-time web presence. Happy Holidays!

Package-ing

I once heard a comedian remark that if it weren't for women that men would wear underwear until all that was left of it was a a rubber band around their waist with some cloth hanging off of it. While this statement is not 100% accurate, its probably better than 90% accurate. My mom always bought my underwear until I left home and nowadays it take some pretty drastic circumstances to inspire me to buy more underwear.

Unfortuantely, perhaps as a result of most men's underwear being purchased by women (or perhaps this was the original cause of women doing the undy-shopping), it has now become increasingly awkward for men (or at least me, in this case) to shop for underwear for themselves. Not because we aren't used to it, but because of the packaging in which said underwear comes. Allow me to elaborate.

Just this Halloween, I was invited to a costume party that was "costume-by-assignment", certainly an interesting idea, not that everyone is going to stick to their assignment, but at least it helped me choose a costume. I was assigned to come as Superman, and was able to at least find a Superman logo T-shirt at Target and make a makeshift cape from an old red T-shirt. But I felt like to really sell the outfit, I would need some red briefs to wear over the top of some blue pants. I mean Superman has to have the red briefs, right? Anyway, cue the men's underwear aisle at Wal-mart. A full aisle of men's underwear in all kinds of styles and cuts. I never knew we men could be so varied in our choice of underneath clothes. The real problem, though? Package after package of men's underwear adorned with photos of dudes wearing only undies. The last thing I want to look at is a picture of some dude's crotch. Some muscle-bound, pretty boy showing off his package, and for who? I hope its not there to convince me what I should buy. I've never been more uncomfortable in a store than I was hunting through there looking for some red briefs. The fact that it took me more than 5 minutes to finally settle on a variety pack that had 1 pair of tighty-reddies made it all the more uncomfortable. In fact, I may have even felt more comfortable being in the women's underwear section for that long. At least there, I could have felt like just a regular old hetero-perv, instead of having to feel like one of the same gender crowd.

I actually thought about looking for some of these photos to add to this blog, but to be honest, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Look for them, or even post them. I mean, what kind of guy posts photos of other guys in their undies on his blog? So who in the world thinks that we want to see that while we are trying to buy some? Thank goodness for women who are willing to buy underwear for us men. Luckily I don't usually have to shop at Wal-mart for underwear these days. The good old distribution center has managed to stay image free since 1853 (or perhaps some other, less rhyming, year).

What Bonnie Said or The Most Profound Relationship Advice I've Ever Heard

This actually took place right around Halloween, and I'm not entirely certain why it came to me last night that I ought to post it here, but it did and I am.

3 of us (Bonnie, Lorri, and I) were doing what late-20s LDS singles are wont to do: talk about why they are single and try to figure out what they or members of the opposite gender are doing wrong. Anyway, at some point, Bonnie said this:

"Its not about finding the perfect person, its about finding the perfect relationship."

I'll let that sink in for a minute.

...

...

...

Ready to discuss? Ok.

First of all, for me it hearkens back to a scene in Good Will Hunting (one of my all-time favs, although you'll want to get it editted or have built up an immunity to the F-word before watching it) where Will (Matt Damon) is telling Sean (Robin Williams) about this girl that he met and went out with. Sean asks if he's going to ask her out again and Will says "I don't know. Right now she's perfect. What if I get to know her better and it turns out that she's not perfect. I don't want to mess up what I've got right now."

Sean says, "I'm going to ruin the surprise for you. She's not perfect. And you're not perfect either. But whats important is: Are you perfect for each other?"

Anyway, Bonnie's comment really made me think a lot. I really think that she is right. Because obviously nobody is perfect. And its easy to stand on the dating sidelines, figurative-speaking, and just pick out things about everyone that aren't perfect, and then justify to yourself that reason you aren't dating is because no one is "good enough" for you, that you'd be "settling" to stoop so low, etc. When really what we should be looking for is the perfect relationship, rather than the perfect person. And you really can't even get a glimpse of what your relationship with anyone would be from the sidelines. In order to even get a hint of what a relationship with someone would be like you have to put yourself in a situation where you can see that. Most commonly, known as a date.

Or at least I feel like by going on a date with someone, I am at least opening myself up to the idea that I could potentially have a relationship with that person, and also on a date (especially a good old fashioned one-on-one date) you get a chance to see how you interact with someone. And you practically have to go on multiple dates with someone to really get a good idea of what a relationship with that person would be like, whether it something that would be perfect for you, or not.

But by not dating someone who we don't immediately have the hots for, we limit ourselves in finding out what kind of relationship we might have with another person. Since then I've tried to date more, maybe not tons more due to numerous factors (busy load of coursework, situation-specific shyness that kicks in at high gear when it comes to asking someone on a date, etc.), but I've definitely opened myself up to the idea that maybe if I take someone out a couple times I might see something there that wasn't there before (little Beauty and the Beast homage).

Now this isn't to say that I've thrown all criteria for choosing who I date out the door. I still want to feel at least that I could be attracted to the person, and I still have an aversion to girls who really don't have much to say that isn't punctuated with giggles, but hopefully I can be a little less picky about smaller issues because in the end, its not the perfect person I'm looking for, but the perfect relationship.

Old Wonka or New Wonka? Need we even ask?

Apparently so. My little sister has taken it upon herself to be the standard bearer for the new Johnny Depp-starring, Tim Burton-directed version of the Roald Dahl classic "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." Meanwhile, my older brother and I am firmly in the pro-original Gene Wilder-starring film camp. The original film was actually titled "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" despite the name of the book being "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."

And this is the beginnings of the argument for the pro-Depp folks. They try to claim that its a better film because its "supposedly closer to the book". I include "supposedly" in quotation marks, because the vast majority of these people have never actually even read the book. I have. And I will concede that the original film contained several plot elements that were not from the book. For example, the whole Slugworth offering each of the children a small fortune in exchange for an Everlasting Gobstopper, the fizzy-lifting drinks scene, the geese that lay golden eggs rather than the squirrels, and of course the bizarre boat scene. BUT, while these elements were in the original film but not in the new "truer to the book" version, the new version does its own share of adding plot. The bizarre puppet Small World rip-off as the children arrive at the factory, the fact that Willy Wonka does seem to even like children, and most notably the entire plotline involving his father, Wilbur Wonka, that leads to his not originally allowing Charlie to bring his family with him to the factory, once he has been selected as the grand prize winner.



It would seem that the original book did not have enough of a conflict to get a good movie climax out of. The first film's climax comes as Charlie proves that he isn't it for the money by returning the Everlasting Gobstopper, even in the face of Wonka's tirade about Fizzy Lifting Drinks. The new film tries to make a climax out of Charlie helping Willy confront his father and finding out that actually he really does love him and that family are swell. Neither plot is from the book, and I have to give the edge here to the first film.

The next point the pro-Depp camp will make is that Johnny Depp makes a much better eccentric Willy Wonka. Who cares? Where does it say that Willy Wonka has to be a weird-o? The fact that Depp was so weird and uninterested in the children, Charlie included, made it hard for me to connect with him, and to be honest I could not hardly fathom why Charlie would even want to live with him. In fact, Depp's creepy-wierd portrayal of Wonka has led some to believe that he was modeling Wonka after accused child molester Michael Jackson. How can anyone possibly pick him over the wacky, but well-meaning Wonka portrayed by Wilder?

Lets compare the Oompa Loompas, while we are at it. The new film's Loompa's actually sing songs whose words were written by Dahl himself. The original book actually contained poems/songs when each of the children were carted off that spanned several pages. And I have to admit that the new Oompa Loompas (all played by Deep Roy) are certainly entertaining, especially the first time they dance for Augustus Gloop. But the original Loompas while not singing Dahl's original poems (the new ones only sing parts of the epic poems) are cultural icons. How many of us have seen people go to Halloween as these old school Oompa Loompas? I'm willing to bet that no one will ever go to a Halloween party dressed as one of the new Oompa Loompas.

Which leads me to my next point. If the new film were the first version of the book that had been made, there never would have been a remake. No one would even remember that the film existed. It is easily forgettable and seems as much a vehicle for Burton's and Depp's egos as an homage to the classic story. The original film is made timeless by the wonderful performance by Gene Wilder and the great Oscar-nominated soundtrack including such classics as "The Candy Man Can", "I've Got a Golden Ticket", and "Pure Imagination".



The only point I can concede to the new film is that it gets us to the chocolate factory much quicker than the original film. As a child watching the original film, the whole waiting to get into the factory part was excruciatingly long. And certainly today's generation of attention-starved kids would have left the theater in search of the latest Sponge Bob offering far before Charlie had actually found his own Golden Ticket. That said, now that I am older there are actually a large number of humorous scenes thrown in for adults in this pre-factory portion of the film. My personal favorite is the man with the computer that he has programmed to tell him where the remaining Golden Tickets are located. The computer refuses because, "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?". The angry programmer then suggests that he will tell the computer EXACTLY what it could do with a lifetime supply of chocolate. Great stuff.

Anyway, my older brother has purchased the DVD of the original film and is bringing it with him from Omaha this Christmas break so that we can have a true showdown of the films. He says that the comments from the now grown, but still very German Augustus are not to be missed.

McNostalgia

Last night at Institute our after class treat (funny how once you make it into the 25-30 year old class they start treating you like kindergarteners, not that I'm complaining) were some Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. And I mentioned to Julene that they reminded me of the old "Chocolatey Chip Cookies" that McDonalds used to sell along side their McDonaldland Cookies. Obviously they weren't as popular as the McDonaldland Cookies, I mean who could expect to compete with animal crackers in the shapes of our favorite McDonalds characters, but once I was older and started working there, it became clear right away that they clearly were the superior cookie. Basically they looked like Cookie Crisp cereal, which I've never eaten due to my mother's insistence that a bowl full of cookies couldn't possibly count as breakfast. She felt the same way about Chocolate Pop-Tarts, which of course led to me buying them my first summer away from home.

Back to McDonalds, though. The topic got us talking about how McDonalds used to have a whole cast of kid-friendly characters (more on this later) and how now you almost never even see Ronald. I mean who doesn't remember the Ronald McDonald Christmas time ice skating commerical where he picks up the girl who can't skate and they have a great time. Thats says Christmas to me almost as much as watching Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. Now the best McDonalds can muster is a campaign telling me how much they are "lovin' it". Apparently kids no longer get to choose the restaurant or else today's kids just aren't swayed by cartoony characters with ties to menu items.

Just for fun, I decided to see if I could find some pictures of the McDonalds cast of characters. Here's what I was able to dig up:

Ronald:



Birdie the Early Bird:



Grimace:


*Note: As I was searching for images I found out that Grimace apparently was supposed to somehow represent McDonalds shakes. Like maybe he is made of shake mix? Not sure.

Hamburgler:



Mayor McCheese:



The Fry Guys aka The Fry Kids:



The McNuggets Buddies:



Big Mac:



*Note: Does anyone remember the playground equipment that included a gigantic Bic Mac head where you could climb up and look out. There were holes in the top of the hat, and also you could crawl around inside the Big Mac part. It had a bunch of bars where you could look out? I think we always called it Mayor McCheese but its clear to me now that it was actually Big Mac, judging from his hat.

Another obscure character that seems vaguely familiar to me was this pirate, Captain Crook:



And if that wasn't enough, here's a nice group shot:



Looking at this group shot I'm realizing that some playgrounds actually had that tree you could climb on. The tree was also featured prominently in the McDonaldland cookies. Must have been some kind of talking tree. Also on the far left there's a guy in white looking kind of like Moses. Some of the sites spoke of a character called "The Professor" who I know nothing about. I'm guessing thats him.

Random Thoughts on the English Language #5

Many times someone trying to make a point will say something like "let me reiterate...". How come you never hear some say "let me iterate"? I mean besides a computer programmer. But seriously, can you re-iterate without first having iterated?

A stroll down Halloween nostalgia lane

Last night I went over to a friend's house for some chili and cornbread and some Halloween movies. Little did I suspect that the Halloween movies would be a couple of videotaped programs from the early 80s. First we watched "Witches Night Out", which I have always remembered, but never had any idea what the name was. Basically a witch is feeling washed up until on Halloween she changes some kids into "real monsters" not just lame costumes. Basically they become a real werewolf, ghost, and Frankenstein's monster and scare some people in town until the witch teaches them that Halloween is a day when we can all be something different just for one day. Then everyone gets transformed and has a great time. This used to be on every year. The animation is pretty low budget, but I always thought it was great and is has a great theme song ("Halloween! -- A witch with magic, Halloween!")

Then we watched "Disney's Halloween Treat", which was some kind of Halloween special including clips from lots of Disney cartoons and movies. Why is it impossible to see any of these great Disney cartoons on TV any more? Not even the Disney channel shows Disney cartoons. What a travesty. Sadly I had to leave before we got to the end which included the "Legend of Sleepy Hollow" cartoon, a great Halloween classic.

But perhaps even the best thing about the whole tape was the commercials. The tape was made in 1984 and had some real gems, including a commerical for a potty-training baby doll ("Bye Bye Diapers"), a commerical for the Castle Greyskull He-Man set, and an Activision commercial for Atari games featuring a young Phil Hartman getting super excited to play some video hockey.